The Single Case

One of the reasons why human beings were placed on this earth (at least according to Christian Teaching) is so we (they) can multiply and fill the world. This essentially means that every human being has a role to play in the multiplication process. Prior to this multiplication process, there is meant to be some kind of mixing and matching that each person must go through to identify the person with whom they can easily, safely and successfully multiply.

There are those who take the multiplication a little too seriously and end up creating mini-armies of offspring bearing similar names and proudly calling one gentleman daddy. Then there are those who are somewhat constrained because of what Scientists call barrenness, infertility and sterility.

Generally speaking though, one can rightly assume that everyone must have someone who was created for them to multiply with. This then begets the question – why are some people still single?

As you think about the possibilities, allow me offer a few plausible reasons why this is the case.

The Universe is still watching you

If you are of age but are still single, it is possible that the Universe is still assessing what might occur if someone of the opposite sex were thrown at you as a life-long partner. And so it shall present you with people who you may end up dating but still break up with. This is all a test and once the universe ascertains that you are ready for a partner then you, my single friend, shall have a partner. It is also likely the universe does not trust you around any person of the opposite sex. To protect the human race, the universe must pull some strange moves like deny some people partners because they would otherwise set the human race several steps back if they got hooked. This may seem negative but here is the silver lining – the universe probably understands your expensive and unique taste and therefore is taking a while to find you the perfect match. People who find their match right away can be said to have cheap taste that can be figured out quickly. You are different. Wear that badge of honour with pride and glee.

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YAY!!! I am single!

You’re too cool for the opposite sex

I know what everyone must be wondering at this moment. How does one become too cool for the opposite sex? I too have no idea. I just know that there are people who have chosen the single path because they feel like no one can handle their awesomeness. They may occasionally be seen in the company of people of the opposite sex but they will generally not want to be tied down by relationships, dating or marriage for that matter. Such people choose to remain single because they love their space, freedom and above all they don’t want anyone to tell them how they should leave their toiled seat. There are moments when they too get lonely and begin to scroll down their phoneboooks in search of a quick fix but this only happens on a few occasions and even then, they are usually half drunk and unaware of what they are doing. Such people will mostly be seen throwing sexist remarks around and acting like the opposite sex is nothing but a rag with which to mop the world. If you are one of such people then you can safely stay in your corner and wait to explain to the Universe why you have chosen to be cooler than everyone else.

You gat this

You feel like you gat this!

You lack the basic skills and qualities

This is probably the most brutal of reasons why single people still exist but is probably the most valid reason there is. You see, each human being has a set of skills that should help them survive in this world. Some however lack the set of skills to help them jump out of the singles’ zone. It is said that if you want people of the opposite sex to notice you and consider dating you the first thing you should do is put yourself out there. Well, I know people who have spent a fair share of their lives hanging themselves out for whoever cares to see but somehow no one has taken the bait. Now before one starts dismissing my allegation that they lack the skills and qualities, allow me forward an argument. Have you ever met good looking people who have everything going for them; except a good relationship? Well, I know many such people. As harsh as it may seem, I have come to the conclusion that such people lack the skills to help them find partners. No one wants an incompetent multiplication partner so it would be nice if you polished up on your skills as you attempt to find that partner. Read a few books here and there, talk to people back and forth and generally stop locking yourself up at home to play video games all weekend. Get out of the house!

window

Get out there and let them see you

Disclaimer

I am very confident that a number of single people are going to start hurling stones at me and calling me all sorts of names because I am making it seem like being single is a crime. Listen, being single is no crime. In fact, if you can, boast about it. Let the world see that no one is good enough for you yet and you are weighing your options and waiting for the Universe to throw a suitable partner your way. Go ahead and change your bio to ‘Too Cool for All of You’. While you are at it, wear your singlehood like a badge of honour. I say this because when the time comes for you to give up this badge of honour because you suddenly have to start sharing a bed with another human being every day of your life, then you will realize that being single wasn’t a very bad thing after all. When the time comes for you to quarrel over the toilet seat, the colour of curtains, the type of house and the name of your offspring then you will appreciate the Universe’s delay in finding you a partner.

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For now, sit back, relax and enjoy the single ride. After all, you are alone – there is no one to complain about the speed limit. Have a blast.

“I’m single because I was born that way.” ― Mae West

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter

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Reverse Universe

In this universe of ours, there are things that we consider the norm and the accepted way of life. A child is born, they look ugly, they cry, they grow up, become better looking along the way, then they become a nuisance to the society. They then grow too big headed to live with their parents so they move out, meet another grown up parent-deserter (usually of the opposite sex) and start a family. Then they too bear children who also go through the same process and end up populating the world without changing too many rules. Occasionally there are rules that are bent to the point of breaking but overall, this is the way the human race has been able to survive from time immemorial.

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Children turn into rebellious young humans before also ageing 

The other day while I was seating at Javas waiting for a friend to pass by and clear my bill because I was broke, a thought crossed my mind. You see, my mind usually strays far off the ordinary path and conjures up the most unfortunate and twisted scenarios. I got to wondering what would be a likely scenario in case we were living in a reverse universe. For instance what if we started out old, aged backwards and ended up entering our mothers’ wombs to eventually disappear back into our fathers’ loins. I know what you must be saying – this is redundant thinking. Maybe it is, but then again, before you shove this away as utter rubbish (which it quite possibly could be) please hear me out.

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Don’t tell me to shut up!

If we were living in a reverse or parallel world, I am confident we’d be a much more organized group of people and we would probably treat the world and ourselves with softer hands. It would be an interesting world, to say the least.

Wars, What for?

Assuming we were living in this reverse world where we started out old then ended up as babies, there is a chance we’d have very few wars or none at all. No one would want to kill random people because hey, the person you want to do away with today might turn out to be a close relative in the future; worse still – your parent! No one would want to end up a baby with no mother so it is quite possible people would not be too keen to engage in wars. Everyone would want to have a worthwhile childhood with both parents around to look after them, hug them, cherish them and basically provide for them. For this reason alone, no one would want to kill another person for fear of actually eliminating someone who might eventually play a role in your birth (would it still be birth? We’d probably have a different word like Return).

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Imagine crawling back into your mother … 

The school situation

As expected, the older people would have more knowledge and information and therefore would need to go to school so they can unlearn this information. Those blessed (or for this matter cursed) with a lot of knowledge would have to go through various institutions of learning so they can unlearn this information. Interesting, right? And the uneducated ones would simply laze around and enjoy their lives as they count down to the return. Many people would therefore prefer to start out poor and uneducated because that way, they would not need to go through all the various stages of education to unlearn all the information they had in their big brains and to return the massive wealth they are cursed with.

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Uneducated Relaxation

 Entertainment things

Imagine a scenario where someone has to sit in front of a TV so the TV can watch him. And the TV would cough out instructions every after a few minutes for how someone must position themselves. If you are the kind of person who spends many hours in front of the TV or computer right now, you will be in big trouble in the reverse universe because there, you will be required to spend just as many hours in front of the TV but this time not to your benefit but to that of the TV Set or the computer. As for people who are always scrolling down their phones, there would be a real challenge there. The phone would demand that you slide here, press that, click the other, download this; all this because of your love for the mobile phone. Now wouldn’t that be something!

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Who is the slave now!

 The Question of Dating

The current scenario when it comes to dating is that you start out by dating someone you may not really like that much and then end up with the person you have to spend the rest of your life with. Imagine a situation where you start out with the person you love the most and then slowly go down towards the people you may not really like that much. As for the break ups, imagine a situation where a relationship begins with a heart break and then ends when you are falling for someone. Woah!! This is twisted. You start out with someone you have children with and then end up with someone you can’t stand but must tolerate simply because you have become young and naïve.

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The struggle would be real

The Issue of Memory

Old people have many memories, both happy and sad. Imagine a situation where you start out with these memories and then slowly, they get erased from your mind as you grow younger. Your memory slowly has bits and pieces snuffed out as you grow younger and some of these probably having been dear to you.  Older people would envy young people because young people do not have too many worries to deal with. These is kind of already the situation but in the reverse world, older people would work towards growing young so they would probably ask for advice from the young people on how to do things and how to experience life. And in a strange twist, young people would probably be heroes and inspirations looked up to by the older people. The younger one is, the more inspiring they are. Interesting!

child-teaching

Young children would be professors 

What about death?

As for the issue of death, I assume there would be a standard age from where we all begin. For instance if everyone started out as a weak and frail 100-year-old person, they would then grow younger as the days go by. Along the way there would be risk of death before one reaches their standard age of return. This is a scary prospect because while some people will start out at 100 and die at just the very old age of 99, others would live to see out all their 100 years. Eh! Strange just.

While I was thinking of these bizarre and strange things, someone walked up to me with a bill. And then I thought to myself, wouldn’t it be awesome if I started out full and then left Javas hungry? And hey, I would not need to spend anything, these guys would be paying me to come here and become hungry. Ah!

“Everything you can imagine is real.”  ― Pablo Picasso

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter