Liberating Thoughts

Very many years ago, a group of well-intentioned and fine purposed Ugandans left their day jobs (or whatever they were doing) and decided to rise up against the order of things. Between February 6th 1981 and January 25th 1986 these individuals were involved in what we now call the Ugandan Liberation War.

Many years after the liberation, one would assume that we as Ugandans have enjoyed substantial freedom and liberty but Alas!! A good number of us are still bound and probably still need liberation.

Before anyone can place a phone call to General Edward Kalekezi Kayihura to come pick me up for insinuating that the liberation war was a waste of time, allow me explain myself. You see, until everyone is liberated, no one is liberated. For this reason, I shall go ahead to mention a some groups of people who I think need some kind of liberation.

Traffic Policemen from the white mischief

Once upon a time, our traffic policemen had no business worrying about what they look like or how they dress. They simply woke up in the morning, washed their faces and hit the streets to start directing (or misdirecting) traffic. Life was pretty simple. Then there was this thing called CHOGM. It changed the way cops carry themselves around. The introduction of the white uniform is something that has bound these cops for several years now. Gone are the days when a cop would wear his uniform for an entire week and not worry about having to wash it. White uniforms are not only sent from hell but they also seem like Satan’s outfit. Cops need to be free to go days without washing. They need to be free to use water and soap sparingly. I call upon responsible authorities to start the liberation of the cops now.

Ali

This is Sadia Alli, a traffic officer at Kabalagala

The Youth from themselves

The Youth of today are a force unlike any other. We are powerful, noisy, intrusive, and meddlesome and have the worst communication skills. Not many of our kind are interested in writing full sentences or speaking correct English. What is the use of writing full sentences when one can simply use shorthand to communicate with the world? After all, we need to save up on letters because it seems apparent that someday the alphabet will get used up and we shall have nothing left to use. So yes; save up on the letters. What a load of animal droppings! We have decided to become so pathetic, so much that the statement ‘we are the leaders of tomorrow’ has been drowned by ‘we are our own worst enemy’. Someone needs to sit down and map out a proper liberation plan that will free us of ourselves because as it is right now, we are safely chained to a post that we have very carefully crafted on our own.

yoloSay it AGAIN!! 

People from their friends

Friendship is a very good thing. In fact, friendship just might be more awesome than that other bogus feeling called sexual attraction. Friendship is the universe’s way of showing you that you are not an island and therefore operate in tandem with others of your race. However, human beings have forever continued to misuse and abuse this otherwise sacred institution of friendship so much that it is now hard to tell who a true friend is. Every now and again you will meet a human being doing wrong things, not because they are not aware but because their ‘friends’ suggested these things. Groupies are turning out to be the greatest sources of wrong and often dangerous advice so much that they need to be disbanded. When lovers are going through a rough patch, the friends on either side are usually quick to cash in and dump whatever bogus advice they have picked up along their own miserable lives onto the two innocent lovers. The result is usually an increase in divorce and break-ups simply because people are busy listening to their friends and not to their own hearts. We each need to be liberated from ‘friends’ who could easily lead to our destruction.

Back stabbingBack stabbing is the order of the day

The Human Race from Faith Based extremism

This might be a little too much to ask for but wouldn’t it be nice if human beings did not practice all these extremities that come with following certain faiths? I know for a fact that there is no legitimate faith that will condone killing innocent people or rubbishing another faith in the name of advancing its own principles. True, it may suggest that one spreads the word with more vigour but it will not recommend that one ends another’s life just because they do not agree with them. I think human beings need to stop killing each other in the name of the faith they subscribe to. If I do not agree with your opinion or faith, surely that should not be reason for you to end my life. Besides, when you end my life, what chance do you have of converting me to your wonderful faith? We need to be liberated from the chains that bind us and refuse us to listen to people of aberrant belief.

TerrorismThis is the truth!

I am no expert at liberation. In fact, I am bound to, and by so many things that I think I need to see a liberation shrink. However, I also know that if there is to be any liberation for me or anyone of my race, the first thing is for us to admit that we are bound. Only then shall we begin to think of ways to curve a path out of this bondage.

“Those who do not move, do not notice their chains.” ― Rosa Luxemburg

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter

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Post WC

For very many people, the past few weeks of World Cup euphoria have offered an experience that can best be described as memorable. Obviously it was not as memorable for the Brazilians, English or Spanish but overall, the World Cup served up some real excitement. In our own backyards, relationships were created, bets won, friendships terminated, allegiances shifted, breakups initiated and basically life lived to the fullest – all because of the football showpiece.

Now that the World Cup has ended, many people have been left confused, dazed and basically non compos mentis because of the absence of football action. Some are already starting to suffer from World Cup withdrawal symptoms seeing as they had gotten used to a Brazilian drubbing here, a Spanish annihilation there or an English humiliation the other side. There is simply no more World Cup and coming to grips with this realisation is going to be a challenge. The World Cup is like a sweet drug that people have gotten addicted to and now need ways to stay away from because the supplier just ran out of stock.

As a person who is an expert at addictions and keeping them in check (try to not think so much about that), I would like to offer a few remedies for all my friends as well as my enemies; the German fans. Here is how you can pre-occcupy yourself during this World Cup aftermath.

Watch plenty of TV

For most sane people, soaps, TV shows and TV series are generally a waste of time and a very effective way of keeping your mind stagnant. They do not add to one’s intellectual sharpness, acumen, wisdom or intuition and neither do they make one any more insightful. They however play a very crucial role in holding friendships together, helping people shave hours off their often boring lives and basically offer people topics of discussion during stale blind dates or during boring house parties. During this time when there is no football going on, give these TV series a shot. True, you may emerge dumber, less insightful and probably addicted to one or two TV shows but you will certainly have helped yourself get over the absence of football. I have to add that you must desist from watching any World Cup replays or you will have a seizure or some kind of delirium because your mind will suddenly demand for more football. Watch TV but stay away from Football.

tv_reading

Make sure the volume is turned up so she doesn’t read anything

Medidate and do Yoga

Specialists at peace and tranquillity recommend meditation and yoga for people who would like to get their thoughts together. You will probably have a rough time trying to forget Mario Gotze’s heartbreaking screamer against Sergio Romero or Tim Cahill’s beauty against Netherlands but Yoga and meditation should just about do the trick. Instead of constantly replaying Lionel Messi’s 90th Minute winner against Iran, you can focus your mind on healthier things like doing Yoga. While doing group Yoga (preferably with females around) you can be sure that football will be the furthest thing on your mind as other softer and more delicious issues will take up that space in your mind ( No – I do not know this from experiencel; I am only working with assumptions). The meditation will help you look at your life more critically so as to identify the mistakes you have made and how you can make other mistakes while trying to correct previous ones.

Pug

Go on and Challenge yourself

Plan for 2016

Every day that passes in Uganda brings us closer to 2016 – the year of reckoning. Whilst the rest of us were busy arguing bitterly during the World Cup, some visionaries were laying strategies for 2016. If you were lucky (or unlucky) to have watched the World Cup on UBC TV, you would have noticed a certain consistently loud message about the Kyankwanzi Resolution. I am yet to understand why and how such a video even runs on a National Broadcaster but that is besides the point. The video simply begs the question – if other people are getting ready for 2016, what are you doing? World Cup is over; start drawing up plans for your 2016 manifesto. Plan for how many bars of soap you will supply in your constituency and how many sacks of sugar you will need to get the local leadership on your side. Look at which banks have favourable loan deals to help you cover your campaings. You could also create a video that may or may not talk of you as a demi-god who everyone must vote if they want to stay alive and then you can have this video run on UBC Tv.

HiRes

Start planning your political career

Work on your relationships

It is highly likely that for many people, the World Cup dealt a huge blow to their relationships with friends, family and lovers. Now that it is all over, such people should now resort their energies to fixing those broken relationships. If you and your partner broke up or filed for a divorce on grounds that you two could not agree on whether Messi is better than Ronaldo, maybe it is about time you called a truce. Most footballers in the world are now on holiday – take a hint. Free your mind from the slavery of football and focus on making those around you happy. Get home in time to have dinner with your wife, make that phone call to the grandmother and pay a friend a visit. With the World Cup out of the way, you can now go forth and multiply because you now have the time for coitus. Don’t disappoint the missus by saying you are occupied. The most popular sporting event is over; make some time to engage in intimacy with your partner. It is the least you can do after ignoring them for the entire duration of the World Cup.

174611

People like Wenger are out there striking killer poses – join them!

Other things

There are about 92 other things you can engage in now that the World Cup is over. Some of those that I haven’t mentioned above include starting a cult, joining the army, becoming a musician, practicing for Big Brother Nominations and stalking an ex partner.

football

 *Yawn* when does the season start again?

The point is – World Cup is over and we must work hard to forget it.

“Good habits are worth being fanatical about.”  ― John Irving

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter

 

Heroism

Around this time every year, Ugandans are treated to what many like to call a public holiday. It is a public holiday because most people do not go to work and those who go to work have the luxury of working half day or wearing shorts to the office. They can even gossip all day at the office because the boss will probably be somewhere attending a Government occasion. Also, on this day, one can be sure that bars and hang out joints will be packed – not because people really have much to celebrate but because we are Ugandans – we are not going to let a public holiday pass us by un-celebrated.

celebration1

A Public holiday in Uganda means one thing … 

According to the Ugandan Calendar, 9th June is a day that marks Heroes Day – a day whose purpose seems to be an issue of discussion and contention. Some people feel like on this day we ought to remember our fallen soldiers and comrades from the various fields of life including health, education, civil service, governance, finance and so on and so forth. Others feel like this is when the president must remind us about the sacrifices he made along with his twenty-something associates. Some others feel like this is the day when the opposition can become relevant by ridiculing every name the president forwards as a chosen hero. Let’s just say that this is a day that garners quite a lot of debate.

heros-day-2010ff

*cough cough*

Whatever reason one has to celebrate (or utterly ignore) this day, it is safe to say that the calendar does not mark it in red ink for nothing. I therefore took some time to look around me and come up with a formidable list of people I think deserve the title of hero. They may not have wings, status, recognition or money but they sure deserve to be on my list of heroes. And yes – the list is actually endless but I decided to pick 3 special individuals to give a round of applause.

Teachers

For reasons that should be obvious but somehow seem unclear, teachers make it to this list without question. When I look back at my days in school, it is with fondness that I recall Auntie Jolding in my Kindergatten School at Makerere, Mr. Sengendo at Bat Valley Primary School, Mr. Kateregga at Jinja College as well as Mr. Onyango at Gombe S.S. I have been molded by these and other former teachers into the sane and thoughtful person that I am. If I display any kind of madness, confusion or craziness, it is only because of my own personal failures and stubbornness. These people may have thrashed me more times than I can remember, they may have made me want to spill hot boiling water on their chests because of setting abnormally hard exams but I am thankful that they made me who I am today. Any good attributes that I have, I owe to my teachers. There is no doubt that they will forever be heroes in my life.

my_teacher_my_heroTrue Story!

Musisi – Not the one of KCCA

When I mention the name Musisi, it is likely a number of eyebrows will be raised. Many will raise their eyebrows because they think I am starting up some Lukwago vs Musisi bout – far from it. The Musisi I am referring to here is my boda boda guy. This guy makes it to this list despite the fact that it is likely he will not even read this blog. I add him to this list because he has been my savior more times than I can remember. On a number of occasions Musisi has picked me from strange places and dropped me off at strange places without even batting an eyelid. This guy never asks me for money when he drops me because he knows that if I have it, he does not need to ask for it. I pay him what I think he deserves which is hard because most times I end up giving him more than I would give anyone else. When I am lazing around at my muzigo and I have a few errands to run, Musisi is the guy I call upon. I don’t care that he knows close to nothing about policy making or governance. He was certainly not among the NRM liberators, neither is he on any list of national heroes – this guy is still my hero.

Mr. and Mrs. Olupot

As cliché as this may sound, my parents are the most awesome people in the world and for this, they are on this list. Being the awesome person that I am (everyone deserves a moment of vanity), it is quite easy for me to recognize awesomeness. If my parents were total strangers to me, I’d probably still want to associate with them somehow. You see, my dad is one of the most resolute and strict individuals I have ever met. He is a no-nonsense dad who will stop at nothing to make sure his children get what they need. He has on numerous occasions sacrificed several personal pleasures just so his family can have a better life. My mother on the other hands is the calmest, most level headed and most compassionate person I know – after Jesus Christ, who I have never met but somehow I believe exists. This woman has been and still is the pillar and glue of the entire family. How she does this with a bunch of stubborn, no-good, noisy and unstable kids tagging at her all the time, I have no idea. I have been far from a model son and I have disappointed them a number of times but how they always receive me with open arms still baffles me. I fear one day they might run out of patience and probably sell me off to travelers from the East. So far though, they boldly claim me as theirs and I do the same – I gladly claim them as mine. They are my heroes.

Parents

L-R – The Awesome one, the Mother, the father, the Brother

Usually when writing down a list of heroes, it almost comes naturally that the list is endless and yes – mine is endless too. I’ve got my siblings on it because, well, they seem to know how to make me smile. My team mates at 40 Days Over 40 Smiles Foundation are heroes because, well, according to Fred Rogers, anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero. I’ve got 1 or 2 colleagues because they are not just colleagues but really good friends and of course I have a bunch of friends. If I started mentioning names, I would probably receive hate mail, death threats and nasty text messages because I just cannot name all my friends. However, all the friends I have met over the years (even those who owe me and who I owe), I treasure and value as real heroes. They have taught me lessons about how to avoid going behind bars, how to survive on the littlest amount of money, how to get over heartbreak, how to survive this harsh economy and basically how to stay alive. It goes without saying that anyone who reads this blog is a hero. Sparing your data and time to read over 1000 words is no simple task. You are all heroes!

yOU

You are my Hero!

Happy Heroes Day everyone!

“My own heroes are the dreamers, those men and women who tried to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in small ways or great ones. Some succeeded, some failed, most had mixed results… but it is the effort that’s heroic, as I see it. Win or lose, I admire those who fight the good fight.”  ― George R.R. Martin

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter

World Cup Notes

The World Cup is a few days away and the football fever is slowly snaking its way through my bloodstream and that of many other football lovers. True – it isn’t as massive as it was four year ago but it is building up pretty fast. I am confident that by this time next week, I shall want nothing to do with anything other than the World Cup.

I am peace loving person who would like to stay in one accord with all those around me. Being the football loving individual that I am, there is a chance that my relationships with people will either be strained or strengthened during this one month of footballing madness. But just so we are clear, I would like to send a personal World Cup note to everyone around me.

Note to the Friends

For the entire duration of the World Cup, my friends will be determined by what teams they support. We shall be good friends if you support any African team, we shall be very good friends if you support The Netherlands, Germany or Spain, but we shall be absolute inseparable BFFs if you support Argentina. If you have a jersey with Lionel Messi, Sergio Aguero, Gonzalo Higuan or Ezequiel Lavezzi, there is a chance I’ll share my ATM Card pin with you. If you are female and you can name even half the Argentine squad, it is likely I will make a pass at you – during half time or after the game.

two_men_fighting_by_gueparddefeu-d58wogd

Discuss anything other than football and you’ll say hello to the fist

Note to the Boss

I am confident you will be watching the games too so I expect you to understand that my entire schedule will revolve around the games. And I am not saying this because I expect to be becoming in late for work, far from it. I shall come in well in time but you need to understand that certain things will change. Those work meetings that take forever might need to be cut short. No one wants to miss the pundit banter prior to the game. Also, if I show up dressed in an Argentine Team Jersey on a weekday, please bear with me – it is because La Albiceleste will be playing that day.

jersey

The Wardrobe is about to get an overhaul 

Note to the Girlfriend

It would be advisable for you to find a teddy bear to keep you company for this month because for the whole month, my eyes will be glued on the TV watching the World Cup,  watching previews and highlights of the World Cup, watching shows about the World Cup and watching anything that has to do with the World Cup. This essentially means that if I do not pick your calls or reply your messages, it won’t be because I am flirting with a random lady at the bar. It will most likely be because I shall be completely engrossed in World Cup things. You will have me to yourself before and after the World Cup season. In case I watch the game from home, the TV Remote shall be in my possession and there will be no discussion about why the volume is turned up loud.  Any discussions that do not center around the World Cup shall be postponed for the entire month.

real-women-football

That Will Be All!

Note to the other girls

If Spain is playing Netherlands and you ask me why Ronaldo is not on the pitch I will hurl something in your direction – probably a bottle or wooden ash tray. Also, if you happen to support the same team I support, do not be shocked that I might find you more attractive than usual. It will have nothing to do with your smile, legs, behind or intellect. It is simply down to the football passion. As for the girls who have boyfriends, if he tells you he was watching the game with me, it is likely I will support him. I don’t care if in truth he was banging the next door neighbor, I will always side with him – unless he is supporting France or England which I absolutely dislike.

Note to the Government

I know my country is not playing in the World Cup and there are chances it might never play in the tournament – in my lifetime, but for the love of God, please make an effort to support football. The only other thing that can unite people as much as football is music and seeing as Uganda and music still have a strained relationship, it is safe to say that we could / should give football a shot. On Saturday while we were at Mandela National Stadium, every Ugandan rallied behind the team with the assumption and belief that we are one. No tribes, religions, skin colour or political affiliations were realized – we were one people. If that is not reason enough for the Government to support football, then surely nothing is.

Uganda

Fooball has the power to Unite us all

Note to UBC TV

As the official national broadcaster, it is likely that you will have exclusive rights to air the tournament across the one month period. However, history has proven that you have a tendency to be far from reliable. If the transmission isn’t consistently interrupted then the sound shall be deafening. And if the sound is okay then the half time commentary will be something of a bedtime story. If that does not happen then the game is just not aired and instead some strange PPU program will air – something about Mr. 1986 meeting Unemployed Youth in Katakwi district. Let’s have all these PPU programs air before and after the month of the World Cup. Oh, and Jane Kasumba; I like your accent – share some of it with your panelists.

ubc

Hello Jane 🙂

Note to UMEME

Where do I even begin with you lot? I do not know of any institution that has taken a lot of heat as much as UMEME. Truth be told, most of the heat is well earned. You guys have outdone yourselves in keeping a good number of Ugandans in the dark. However, for the duration of the World Cup, I will cut you some slack. I will pray that the Good Lord touches you and you SEE THE LIGHT. I will pray that you light us up and even it we have to pay double – please do what you have to do. I have loaded enough Yaka units to last me the entire month so please do your part and let me watch the tournament without pausing to curse and abuse UMEME. If there should ever be any load shedding, please let it be in the hours when the World Cup is not airing.

Umeme-Yaka-cards

I have done my part, please do your part UMEME

Note to other people

If we happen to be in the same bar and my team is playing, I shall not be held responsible for any injuries you sustain from my celebration. If you absolutely have no interest in Football, stay out of my lane – that way you will not get too much World Cup nonsense coming your way. Also, if you are interested in learning about football, please do so with caution. Do not ask me which team is wearing white, why someone is getting a yellow card, how much time is left on the game or which team is winning when everything is right there on the screen. Also, be sure to postpone your death, wedding, birthday or child delivery until after the Finals of the World Cup.

Other than that, I love you all and as they usually say about football tournaments; may the best team win.

“Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don’t like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that.” ― Bill Shankly

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter