Post WC

For very many people, the past few weeks of World Cup euphoria have offered an experience that can best be described as memorable. Obviously it was not as memorable for the Brazilians, English or Spanish but overall, the World Cup served up some real excitement. In our own backyards, relationships were created, bets won, friendships terminated, allegiances shifted, breakups initiated and basically life lived to the fullest – all because of the football showpiece.

Now that the World Cup has ended, many people have been left confused, dazed and basically non compos mentis because of the absence of football action. Some are already starting to suffer from World Cup withdrawal symptoms seeing as they had gotten used to a Brazilian drubbing here, a Spanish annihilation there or an English humiliation the other side. There is simply no more World Cup and coming to grips with this realisation is going to be a challenge. The World Cup is like a sweet drug that people have gotten addicted to and now need ways to stay away from because the supplier just ran out of stock.

As a person who is an expert at addictions and keeping them in check (try to not think so much about that), I would like to offer a few remedies for all my friends as well as my enemies; the German fans. Here is how you can pre-occcupy yourself during this World Cup aftermath.

Watch plenty of TV

For most sane people, soaps, TV shows and TV series are generally a waste of time and a very effective way of keeping your mind stagnant. They do not add to one’s intellectual sharpness, acumen, wisdom or intuition and neither do they make one any more insightful. They however play a very crucial role in holding friendships together, helping people shave hours off their often boring lives and basically offer people topics of discussion during stale blind dates or during boring house parties. During this time when there is no football going on, give these TV series a shot. True, you may emerge dumber, less insightful and probably addicted to one or two TV shows but you will certainly have helped yourself get over the absence of football. I have to add that you must desist from watching any World Cup replays or you will have a seizure or some kind of delirium because your mind will suddenly demand for more football. Watch TV but stay away from Football.

tv_reading

Make sure the volume is turned up so she doesn’t read anything

Medidate and do Yoga

Specialists at peace and tranquillity recommend meditation and yoga for people who would like to get their thoughts together. You will probably have a rough time trying to forget Mario Gotze’s heartbreaking screamer against Sergio Romero or Tim Cahill’s beauty against Netherlands but Yoga and meditation should just about do the trick. Instead of constantly replaying Lionel Messi’s 90th Minute winner against Iran, you can focus your mind on healthier things like doing Yoga. While doing group Yoga (preferably with females around) you can be sure that football will be the furthest thing on your mind as other softer and more delicious issues will take up that space in your mind ( No – I do not know this from experiencel; I am only working with assumptions). The meditation will help you look at your life more critically so as to identify the mistakes you have made and how you can make other mistakes while trying to correct previous ones.

Pug

Go on and Challenge yourself

Plan for 2016

Every day that passes in Uganda brings us closer to 2016 – the year of reckoning. Whilst the rest of us were busy arguing bitterly during the World Cup, some visionaries were laying strategies for 2016. If you were lucky (or unlucky) to have watched the World Cup on UBC TV, you would have noticed a certain consistently loud message about the Kyankwanzi Resolution. I am yet to understand why and how such a video even runs on a National Broadcaster but that is besides the point. The video simply begs the question – if other people are getting ready for 2016, what are you doing? World Cup is over; start drawing up plans for your 2016 manifesto. Plan for how many bars of soap you will supply in your constituency and how many sacks of sugar you will need to get the local leadership on your side. Look at which banks have favourable loan deals to help you cover your campaings. You could also create a video that may or may not talk of you as a demi-god who everyone must vote if they want to stay alive and then you can have this video run on UBC Tv.

HiRes

Start planning your political career

Work on your relationships

It is highly likely that for many people, the World Cup dealt a huge blow to their relationships with friends, family and lovers. Now that it is all over, such people should now resort their energies to fixing those broken relationships. If you and your partner broke up or filed for a divorce on grounds that you two could not agree on whether Messi is better than Ronaldo, maybe it is about time you called a truce. Most footballers in the world are now on holiday – take a hint. Free your mind from the slavery of football and focus on making those around you happy. Get home in time to have dinner with your wife, make that phone call to the grandmother and pay a friend a visit. With the World Cup out of the way, you can now go forth and multiply because you now have the time for coitus. Don’t disappoint the missus by saying you are occupied. The most popular sporting event is over; make some time to engage in intimacy with your partner. It is the least you can do after ignoring them for the entire duration of the World Cup.

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People like Wenger are out there striking killer poses – join them!

Other things

There are about 92 other things you can engage in now that the World Cup is over. Some of those that I haven’t mentioned above include starting a cult, joining the army, becoming a musician, practicing for Big Brother Nominations and stalking an ex partner.

football

 *Yawn* when does the season start again?

The point is – World Cup is over and we must work hard to forget it.

“Good habits are worth being fanatical about.”  ― John Irving

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter

 

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Let It Go

If you are a music loving person, you are probably wondering which “Let It Go” song I am referring to. It is also likely that you are torn between ‘Let it Go’ by Keysha Cole featuring Missy Elliot and Lil Kim, the one by Wiz Khalifa featuring Akon or that other one by Dragonette. Well, calm your music loving thirst down. This blog post is about letting it go; it is about flipping the switch, turning the script and basically starting anew. It is about the little things that we have grown accustomed to and we seem to have accepted as normal in our lives yet indeed they are far form normal. Some of these things are actually quite outdated, extremely useless and just plain pathetic. Obviously as human beings we are inclined to want to be in our comfort zones so we hate to let some of our rather bogus habits go. Today, we shall attempt to see which habits or practices we ought to let go.

By now, some are already gnashing their teeth because a mere mortal and almost insignificant individual like Beewol can not and should not be making recommendations about what practices we should discard. Well, I will have you know that I recently did some soul searching and spoke to the gods; turns out I am not just a normal dude. I am a simplified version of a demi-god. Yes! This discussion however shall be shelved for another time – the gods will not be too thrilled if I reveal too much about my new found immortality.

Where were we?

Yes, letting it go. I have encountered several habits and practices that are simply outright wrong and we ought to let go. I shall attempt to shed some much needed light on some of these habits. Ladies and gentlemen, round about now, I give you the things the human race needs to let go right away.

Stereotypes

This is probably one of the most pathetic human practices as yet. The construction of stereotypes is usually out of a series of assumptions, hear-say and myths. There are very few instances where real hard core evidence is presented to support claims of stereotypes. Some stereotypes are not so far from the truth but the damage they cause is not worth the minimal truth they portray. Take for instance the stereotype that all men are dogs. Obviously this is not too far from the truth because after all, most men will at some point be running after a ‘beach’ . (Not the one where there is water, a fresh breeze, lots of beautiful people wearing flowered clothes and several romantic spots. Not that one; I am referring to the other one … with a different spelling and meaning). The fact is there are actually quite a number of decent men who do not act or behave like the proverbial dog that has its tongue hanging out as it runs around chasing after innocent ‘beaches’. Some men are actually really decent, patient, kind and extremely romantic. The chances of meeting such men might be really slim but it does not eliminate the chance that you can meet them. Those decent men will not take it too nicely when you say “All men are dogs” but since they are gentlemen, they will not knock your teeth in, knife you in anger or abuse you in a native language. They will simply smile albeit with plenty of hurt in their hearts. So other than hurt those very wonderful men, why not just say “My man is a real street dog” or better still “All the six men I have slept with seem to be real dogs”. That sounds more appropriate in my opinion.

 woman-with-dogs

Sometimes looking after your dogs well can be quite rewarding

Negative Energy

I am not one who follows Big Brother but I have to admit that as a disinterested passer-by I realized that this time round there was way too much negative energy floating around. This is probably why our boys were eliminated from the competition before it even got really started. Of course there is that other argument that as long as Uganda does not register higher DSTV subscriptions, we will always be restricted to throwing eviction parties and not victory parties; but that is an unproven theory. I am not one to spend hours following people on a reality TV show unless it is only naked women, in which case I will easily quit my job to enjoy every second of every minute. However, I noticed that the Ugandans who were hating on Denzel and Lugude in this Big Brother thing seemed to have way to much time on their hands. I personally think if something does not interest you, stay away from it. You can throw a jab every once in a while just for laughs but overall if you are going to dedicate a chunk of your time to discredit some other project (no matter how pathetic, retarded or totally pointless the project might be) I think you are drawing a lot of negative energy towards yourself. If I do not like something, I stay away from it and if I see Tweets, posts or emails about it, all I do is ignore them.  I don’t like Big Brother so I stay away from it. I don’t like TV soaps so I stay away from them. I don’t like women who bleach a lot so I stay away from them. I don’t like black cats with a lot of fur so I stay away from them. Simple as that! Let go of the negative energy and I am sure life will be much simpler for you and everyone around you.

Women

If we ever have a reality show with such girls walking around naked, wake me up

Typos, Grammar and Pronunciation

This is probably something everyone is guilty of. There are those who can get off scot-free because their mistakes are few and far in between. If you write ‘MS’ instead of ‘MS’, you can be forgiven by the rest of the world (except by the lady who you are suddenly denying the blessing of being married). If you wtire ‘TRYINH’ instead of ‘TRYING’, you can also be forgiven because the two letters g and h and not too far away from each other on the keyboard. Similarly, if you write ‘BONET’ instead of ‘BONER’, you can also be forgiven because again, t and r and next to each other on the keyboard. If however you go out of your way to write “URINATED VERSION” in stead of “UNRATED VERSION”, you my friend deserve a really harsh punishment. When it comes to speech, some words should just never be changed. Words like ‘BALLET’ and ‘CAFÉ’ should be pronounced the way they were intended to be pronounced. If you think your two week stay in Bangladesh is deserving of a change in accent, do whatever you have to but please pronounce CAFÉ the way it should be pronounced. Don’t go saying ‘KEY-FEY’ or ‘CARRRFEY’. Let go of the accent modifications. People who pronounce words differently because of the company they are in or the places they have been to are referred to in English as ‘PLASTIC PEOPLE’ and that is pronounced ‘MORONS’.

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some worthwhile instructions for those who want to get a grip on Grammar

Snobbish Tendencies

Truth of the matter is that there is a snob in each one of us. While some are constantly feeding that snob, others are starving the sucker so they can be better people. I know folks who hang out with people they don’t even like, do things they inwardly loathe, eat foods they hate, drink things they can’t stand and spend money they have just borrowed just so they can be seen in certain circles. Let go of these snobbish tendencies. Research has it that snobbishness is a leading cause of financial woes, marriage breakups and the worst of them all – sadness. If you do something you really love, there is a chance you will be happy. If everyone around you loves a certain song and you find it rather bogus and utter rubbish, feel free to air your opinion. Extreme care has to be taken though because if you are going to walk up to Chameleon and tell him that his music sucks, you might end up with a dagger in your side or you could end up being burnt to death. It might not exactly be by him but you know, he has henchmen and all. So beware. Just try not to conform to the standards that people have set out there. Make your own rules, create your own standards and stay away from trying to impress people. Chances are, they already hate you so if you try too hard, you will only come off as irritating.

The truth about talent  

There are a number of vocations or careers that require extreme talent for one to pull them off. If your voice is pathetic, you have no reason calling yourself a singer unless you do it in the safe confines of your bathroom, like I usually do. Similarly if you are not very good at telling jokes, lose the word ‘comedian’ off of your profile and bio. Let it go. Try something that you are actually good at. Many people fail to succeed in life not because they are in the wrong career path but because they are not in the right career path. Any career can work out just fine as long as you are true to yourself. If you are a plus size person, forget about being a skinny model unless you are ready to starve yourself to near death. How about embracing the plus-size model career? I know plenty of thick ladies who are totally sexy and drop dead gorgeous. You do not have to be skinny to be a good model. Let it go. In this day and age, anyone can become a blogger or writer. Hell, anyone can be anything as long as they have access to Google! That said, if you are not blessed with articulation, expression or communication skills, how about deleting the ‘Writer’ or ‘Blogger’ bit from your bio? You have never written anything and your blog has just one brief post from 14 months ago – let it go.

Like our beloved president usually says, ‘With these few words …’ I want to wish you all a wonderful week. For the Ugandans, see you all at Nambole this weekend for the game against Angola. For people in other countries, go on and have yourselves a great week. Do come visit Uganda sometime soon because the people here are very warm and welcoming – and that is not a stereotype; it is for real!

And now for your weekly dose of inspiration …

“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles.”

― C. JoyBell C.

Yours Truly

Bernard

a.k.a Beewol

The Talkative Rocker