The 2015 Strategy

If you have not looked at your calendar, watched TV or been on social media for the past few weeks, you can be forgiven for thinking that we are still in 2014. You see, between last year and this year, not much has changed. Museveni is still the president of the Banana Republic, Justin Bieber still gets followers on Twitter and women still get monthly periods. Basically, everything is still the same. That being said, you must be brought to speed on a number of things.

2015It is a new year

First of all, we are now in a new year which for purposes of uniformity with the rest of the world we shall call the year 2015. Secondly, there are a number of people who did not make it past 2014 and so you my friend are one of the lucky few who did not die of Ebola, Terror attacks, suicide or sex deprivation. You are alive.

The other thing you need to know right now is that people all over the world are busy scribbling down what we like to call ‘New Year Resolutions’. These are basically plans and expectations you have for the New Year and they are usually inspired by a failed former year or a night of excessive drinking followed by truckloads of regret. Just like most people, I too have resolutions for this New Year and whether or not you are interested, I will share them.

I vow to watch what I write

It may seem like Uganda is a country blessed with massive freedom of speech and expression so much that almost everyone can own a blog, Twitter account, Facebook account and printing press and be able to spew all kinds of information. However, history has taught us that many people have ended up behind bars because of what they have written. Some have written letters that have had whole media houses shut down. Others have written Blog posts that have had them picked up by special unit operatives and others have written status updates on Facebook that have lost them jobs. Basically, the things we write impact a lot on our lives. For this reason, I am keen on watching what I write. Whether it is an innocent entry in my newly acquired 2015 journal or a text message to a friend in Australia or New Zealand, I will watch what I write. I don’t want to be the victim of some media house shut down.

wordsPick your words wisely

I will watch what I eat

I don’t have the biggest body so this might come off as somewhat unnecessary. However, I am very keen to watch what I eat this year. Last year, I ate some really messed up things. None of them had much effect on my weight as I have been and probably will remain a slim dude. They affected me in other ways other than those expected. For instance, a number of the things I ate sent me several miles in financial wilderness for reasons that I could have easily avoided. You see, when people want to meet up at an exotic restaurant in Kampala, the assumption is that each person will foot their bill; unless of course the entire event is being bankrolled by a certain sangoma who wants a close friend of yours. The lesson I learnt last year was that no matter how juicy the plot, I shall not show up and order anything unless I can comfortably pay for it. I don’t want to order for something that will leave me staring at my wallet in disbelief and utter shock. This probably means I will have to pay up my old bill with the Rolex guy near my place so we can start on a clean slate. It also means I will be visiting friends more and more to cut down on the food-buying expenses. Oh and it also means I will have to set up a timetable for when to eat what. One must not opt for expensive Javas food if one can get cheap food from Jass the food lady. Also, one must cut down the number of meals a day from two to one.

"Waiter, I think you've mixed my bill up with someone who's buying the restaurant."

I don’t want surprises

Joining the MGTOW Movement

I hope my dad misplaces his glasses when he cues up this Blog Post for reading because this is not something I want him to read. I have never been married before and I hope it stays that way – at least for a while. The MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) movement is nothing political (so please Mr. Museveni, you can breathe a sigh of relief), and neither is it a religious movement (so no competition for you pastors, relax). MGTOW is basically a statement of self-ownership. It is a scenario where a man polishes, preserves and protects his own sovereignty holding it over and above everything else. It is the clear refusal of the bogus preconceptions, stereotypes and cultural definitions of what a “man” is. It is a mind frame where one does not look for validation or acceptance from the society or from social cues. A man does not bow, will not serve and refuses to kneel for those who treat him like he is some kind of item that is used and thrown away. This, my dear friends, is the cult I will be joining this year. Women, stay clear of this brother.

maxresdefaultWomen have been warned

Try to offend fewer people

I have often offended a bunch of people because of the things I do, the words I speak and some of the Blog posts I put up. Heck, I am sure some people are even offended by the mere fact that I am breathing. This year I plan to cut down the number of people I offend. If some of those I offended last year end up in body bags, so be it. What matter is that by the end of this year I should have a shorter list of people I offend. I read somewhere that the more successful one becomes, the more people they offend. Well, I am planning to reverse the trend and become more successful while offending fewer people. What fun is there in following in other people’s footsteps? I will be the first person to succeed while offending the fewest people.

happyThe point is to try and make as many people happy as possible

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.” (Little Gidding – Four Quarters) –  T.S. Eliot

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter

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