The Kampala Rains

It seems obvious that if you are living in Kampala right now, you are huffing and puffing at what seems like a strange twist in the weather patterns. At one point it seemed like the sun was on course to roast us all and send our beautiful city into burning historic oblivion. Just when we were about to start fasting and praying for the rains to arrive, they came; almost right away – in a massive shower! For unknown reasons, the weather gods around here answer prayers in a harsh manner; from extreme heat to massive rains.

I am a self professed lover of the rain; for reasons that stretch from carnal to agricultural. However, not many people share my love for the rain. So when I send out a Tweet with the hashtag #LoveTheRain there might not be too many Retweets or Favorites for that matter. But that’s okay – I love the rain, it loves me and we don’t care about the rest.

Anyway, away from me to the real issue here. Ever since the rains started, there has been a transformation in the way people lead their lives. People now frequent the bars and bufundas, girls now text with more frequency, traffic jam builds up very fast and floods kick in within seconds of a minor drizzle. For someone who is not yet aware of what happens in Kampala during the rainy season, I shall gladly let you in on a few secrets here and there. As usual, this will be at no price.

The Beautiful Island called Bwaise

During the rainy season, there is a little beautiful place called Bwaise that often comes under the spotlight because of the results of the rain. The rain is usually distributed almost evenly across the city but for some reason Bwaise always suffers the wrath of the downpour. Whether it has anything to do with the drainage system or the sinful nature of the dwellers of Bwaise, one can never know. What is clear though is that if you are new to Kampala you might want to think twice about residing in Bwaise during the rainy season. However, if you have any boating experience or if you have grown accustomed to living in water logged areas like a certain big wig who built his mansion in a swamp, Bwaise might not be the worst place for you to move to. Just prepare your scuba wetsuit, one or two boats plus a paddle and you will be good to go.

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Introducing Water Park

The marriage between the rain and traffic jam

Kampala is a city that is blessed (or cursed depending on how you look at it) to have many vehicles moving about often aimlessly and haphazardly. In the morning, there is traffic jam. In the afternoon there is more traffic jam. In the evening there is even more traffic jam. It seems like people drive around all day just looking for ways to beef up the traffic. While you may think that this is terrible, wait until it rains. Lawd!!! When it rains, some of the little feeder roads tend to become impassable and suddenly everyone wants to use the same main routes. And then to make matters worse, Taxi drivers begin their race against themselves and against time. The highways then become endless queues of slow moving vehicles all rushing towards the same place – nowhere! For some reason it feels like when it rains, people drive out all their unwashed cars so they can be able to enjoy a free wash in the rain. Smart people clogging up the roads with traffic!

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In Kampala, Rain = Traffic Jam

Dress code Issues

In Kampala we dress to kill; there is no doubt about that. Before you die though, we like for your last words to be; “Woah! You’re looking hot!” then you can go ahead and Rest in Peace. One would imagine that during the rainy season people will pull out their heavy outfits, full clothing, coats, jackets, jumpers, cardigans and boots. But oh no! It appears the weather has no effect on the dress code whatsoever. Whether it is in the offices, on the streets, in the bars, in church or at funerals, we are as sizzling as ever. We have no such thing as dress code for the rainy season and dress code for the dry season. We just have one wonderful fashion style that will work for both occasions. For the females, it does not matter if hailstorm and thunder are eminent, if the effect required shall be attained by a see-through short dress with an extra long slit, then the see-short dress with an extra long slit it shall be. Of course usually late in the night when the cold stings, the equation starts to tip over and regrets begin to stream in. Then there will be a few curses thrown about before the same thing is done tomorrow and the day after. I guess it is true what they say; Smartness knows no weather.

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This is not Kampala but there is no reason it couldn’t be

The Night Life

Just like the dress code, the nightlife in Kampala is not in the least bit affected by the weather. When it rains, happy hour is still at the same time and the same people will show up. Some of the reasons for showing up at the local bar despite the rain will include; getting warmth from the bar, escaping the cold home, trying to warm oneself up with a warm beer, training the body to cope with the cold and my personal favourite – cold beer tastes better when the weather is cold. In fact, during the rainy season, the night life seems to gather a bit more pace because suddenly everyone wants to be around other revelers (oh how I love that word!). During the rainy season there are more sleepovers, house parties, theme nights at local bars, orgies, concerts and galas. During the rainy season I receive no less than 3 emails each week about eminent plot. In fact on Sunday when it was raining, my buddy Felix was wondering whether we could hit the beach. Don’t be surprised – that is how we roll.

4Sounds about right.

Thirst Levels, Libido and Sex related things

The thirst levels we are referring to here are not the thirst levels suffered when one takes a long time without sipping on water. We are referring to thirst levels that are generated when a man or woman is in urgent need of sexual fulfillment by/from someone who they secretly or publicly want to bed. During the rainy season there are more nudes flying around, pick up lines become more intense, tabloids have more material to publish, porn sites get more visitors and the season of sex basically kicks off. To reemphasize the assertion that we are animals; one can say that the mating season begins when the skies open up. People engage in extra-marital, cross-generational, extracurricular and multi-dimensional sex when it begins raining. You will come across more ladies of the night patrolling the streets and you will occasionally bump into a gang of gigolos looking for clients here and there.

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But of course ma’am; it’s gonna rain anytime now

The rainy season is the one time when I am wholly in love with this beautiful sinful city. Love it; LOVE THE RAIN.

“The summer sun was not meant for boys like me. Boys like me belonged to the rain.” ― Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter

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