Season Orientation

Ever since the World Cup ended a few weeks back, there has not been much in terms of really juicy competitive football. There have been a couple of games here and there but nothing half as electric or captivating as the World Cup. People who are into football have been starved of some real action. Fortunately, most leagues around the world are about to resume and in a few weeks the euphoria will be right where we want it to be – at the very top.

For someone who lives, breathes, eats and farts football, there is no need to go through any kind of orientation before the football season starts. As a matter of fact, you’ve probably already chosen your side and are chanting away your team’s slogan with extreme pride. You will most likely have already exchanged a few insults with individuals supporting any team that is not yours and you will have already set up wagers left right and center before the season even kicks in. You’ve already predicted where your team will finish at the end of the coming season – at the top.

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Even those who are in sync with the fourth

On the other hand, if you relatively new to the concept of club football, you are probably unsure which direction to take. You are not even sure if you should join in the madness and confusion that usually tends to take over a chunk of Ugandans. True, you supported all African teams during the World Cup, felt sad for Neymar when he got injured; loved Rodriguez’s spectacular goal and were amused by the vanishing spray that the referees deployed in Brazil. Generally speaking though, you are not the most passionate person when it comes to football. You are however thinking of joining a certain camp so as to identify with the cool people who know a thing or two about club football.

Before you can hand yourself in to the dark side for mutilation, I’d like to give you a piece of advice – Stay away from football. You see, I have watched this bogus game called football for over two decades and I can confidently tell you that it sucks! The addiction that you will come under is something of epic proportions. On a number of occasions, you will lose sleep, money, integrity and even relationships simply because of this thing called football. And while still on the subject of losing things, prepare to lose a lot more than just your mind when your team loses by any chance. There are the buddies who will take every second they can spare to remind you that your team lost to theirs and they will gladly keep throwing vile insults your way just to ignite some kind of feud and they won’t fail. You see, if you passionately support a certain team, no matter how many seasons it has gone without a trophy, you will always imagine it is better than all the rest. And so if anyone alleges otherwise, you will not let things slide without a fight (worded or physical).

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Prepare to defend your zone

Along the way, you will forge alliances and create bonds based on your support for/of a certain team or dislike of another team. Some of the people who eventually become your friends will scare you with their passion. Throw in a random hint of criticism that may be extremely objective and all hell will break lose. They will do everything to throw fire in your direction and may possibly even deliver a beating right at your doorstep. These are the kind that seem like they hold shares in the team they support. But don’t blame them – they are just passionate. When their team wins, they will praise the team, heap accolades on the manager and demand for every other team to bow down. When their team loses, they will demand for the manager’s head, insult all the players and threaten to abandon the team. Brace yourself for that kind as well.

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It’s all about the passion

If by now you are getting worried about this whole thing called football, then I am getting through to you. But then again, there are good sides to this demon. When I was watching the World Cup, I was lucky to watch one of the games with a fairly wealthy individual who promised to buy us rounds of drinks every time Brazil conceded a goal. Lucky for us, during that particular game, the Germans were really in scoring mood and the Brazilians somewhat conspired to have us get drunk. Such people are the reason football was invented anyway. They will buy the whole bar a round once their favourite player(s) perform well.

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They can be extremely generous or extremely nasty

While you prepare to venture into this world of club football, you might want to pick up a few tips on which clubs are everyone’s favourites. You can pick on a team depending on anything from Team Jerseys, Historical success, World Wide Support, Famous footballers, to a coin toss. Be sure though that once you settle for a team, you will be obliged to stick with them through thick and thin; like a marriage ought to be. Anyone who swings from one team to another is nothing but a fake individual; like the Pioneer Buses they will be sought out and hung to dry.

When all is said and done however, the decision whether to get onto the bandwagon of football lovers or stay in the lane of boring non-football-loving humans is something that will always come down to you as an individual. Of course there will be little things nudging you here and there for example your awesome friends who keep talking about Juventus, Real Madrid, Manchester United, Bayern FC and Orlando Pirates. Then there are radio and TV stations throwing football related issues in your face left right and center.

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You won’t be able to escape it

Oh, and once you get into the thick of supporting these football clubs, you will have to set aside a chunk of your hard earned money to purchase merchandise like club-tshirts and other items like pillows, bedsheets, pants and other ridiculous items that will hit the market. This is the only way people around you will know that you are committed to the club 100%. The only other way to show commitment is to know plenty of history of the club which from the look of things you might not master seeing as there are a few weeks to the start of the season.

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Sounds about right

So then, good luck with your endeavor.  See you at the start of the season.

“The thing about football – the important thing about football – is that it is not just about football.” ― Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter

 

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