For the average and somewhat normal human being, the body demands a reboot or total shut down at night or when it gets dark outside. For such a person, night time is reserved for loud snoring, uncontrollable farting, animal-like sleep positions and sleep talking among other things. Occasionally there will be some coitus here, some partying there and a few other random things done at night. On a whole however, their body is programmed to say NO to any brain or body activity scheduled for night time. For purposes of this Blog, we shall refer to this person as a puny human.
There are also a bunch of individuals who can best be described as out-of-this-world because their bodies seem to defy every rule in the book. They often sleep far less than their puny counterparts and yet they somewhat manage to deliver 150% results. According to research experts (who may or may not be existent), such people are half mortal and half immortal. For purposes of this blog, we shall refer to them as superhumans.
In 2009 when I first applied for a job at a radio station, it was apparent that I knew what I wanted to be – a radio presenter. I knew deep down that my dream in life was to get on radio and speak rubbish to unsuspecting and often disinterested listeners who would eventually get bored and flip to another station. The only condition I was given at the time when I applied for the job was that I work at night, and not just at night but late in the night. I had to do a radio show starting Midnight – when most humans are dead asleep and ending at 3am when the only people awake are ghosts, witches, wizards, drunken people and left over prostitutes. As much as it seemed like a strange deal, I took it anyway. Today, I secretly high-five myself for accepting the job offer. Turns out I am more of a superhuman than I had expected I would be.
Ever since I was little I wanted to be a superhuman
Team Insomnia Superhumans
If you have been on social media in Uganda for the past few years, you will have noticed a crop of individuals who always pop up at strange hours. For those who have no idea, there is a special fraternity of these people and as much as they have day-jobs like all other puny humans, they go a step further and make themselves useful even at night. They often engage in intellectual discussions about Government Policy, Social Trends, Economic topics, the World Cup, the Katikiro’s Tofali Project and Migingo among other things; they discuss everything. Most of them work during the day but reserve a chunk of their energy for these discussions late in the night when little children have gone to bed and the atmosphere is not polluted with teenage sweat, wannabe experts and weaver birds.
Not for the faint hearted
The issue of Sleep
First of all, sleep is overrated. That’s right! Sleep is for weak humans. True, the body needs moments of rest and recess, however if it gets accustomed to rest and relaxation, there is a high chance it will stubbornly refuse to make itself useful when the appropriate time comes. Do you wonder why people complain whenever they are waking up early in the morning? Well, now you know why. You have been sleeping too much your body does not know what else to do other than complain when you try to wake it up.
Typical routine of a puny Human
The Power nap
Some folks might be wondering how superhumans are able to be up in the wee hours, disappear momentarily and then come back sooner than anticipated. You see, there is this thing called the power nap. A power nap is the kind of sleep that stops just before the Slow-wave sleep kicks in. The Slow wave Sleep is what is referred to as deep sleep. The power nap usually revitalizes, refreshes and reboots the system so it can operate as though it had a full system shut down and restart. It can last even as short as 30 minutes but can be more effective than 8 hours of sleep. Mastering the art of power naps is something that would take a puny human an entire lifetime but once they got it, there would be no stopping them from taking over the world.
A Power nap can be taken anywhere
When you stay up at night as opposed to the day, there is less traffic on the roads, less noise so you can concentrate better and the mother of all benefits – internet is super fast. You can also be sure that at night you will watch an entire episode of Game of Thrones without rude interruptions from phone calls, text messages or endless whatsapp messages. At night, you can plan your work and execute it with the least amount of procrastination hanging over your head. Things actually get done at night. There is also the advantage that when you are up at night you are able to communicate with people from outside countries in real time as opposed to finding missed calls from Australia, USA and Switzerland.
It is true that every once in a while, superhumans get in touch with their mortal sides. A superhuman will set aside an entire 12 or 15 hours to engage in that activity that puny humans love to engage in – deep sleep. Usually, during this period, the superhuman will shut down all systems, gadgets and processes so much that an earthquake of massive magnitude would occur but the superhuman would not be moved. This often happens once a week and it is probably the only way a superhuman will remain in touch with their mortal side.
When the sleep kicks in, you can not fight it
Warning and Disclaimer!
Unless you have consulted with a qualified medical practitioner or an accomplished superhuman, you are discouraged from attempting to cross over from the puny side of life to the superhuman side. Your body is not built for it. Some people are naturally built with extra puniness so much that they cannot keep their eyes open past a certain time and neither can they shut their eyes before a certain time. Such robots must desist from engaging in attempts to become superhumans lest they malfunction and rust. Also, receptionists, students, newlyweds, lawyers and secretaries are discouraged from attempting to become superhumans lest they lose their jobs to other puny humans who are willing to follow the ordinary routine of staying awake during the day.
Story of my life
“If a composer suffers from loss of sleep and his sleeplessness induces him to turn out masterpieces, what a profitable loss it is!” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Night Flight
The Talkative Rocker
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