World Cup Notes

The World Cup is a few days away and the football fever is slowly snaking its way through my bloodstream and that of many other football lovers. True – it isn’t as massive as it was four year ago but it is building up pretty fast. I am confident that by this time next week, I shall want nothing to do with anything other than the World Cup.

I am peace loving person who would like to stay in one accord with all those around me. Being the football loving individual that I am, there is a chance that my relationships with people will either be strained or strengthened during this one month of footballing madness. But just so we are clear, I would like to send a personal World Cup note to everyone around me.

Note to the Friends

For the entire duration of the World Cup, my friends will be determined by what teams they support. We shall be good friends if you support any African team, we shall be very good friends if you support The Netherlands, Germany or Spain, but we shall be absolute inseparable BFFs if you support Argentina. If you have a jersey with Lionel Messi, Sergio Aguero, Gonzalo Higuan or Ezequiel Lavezzi, there is a chance I’ll share my ATM Card pin with you. If you are female and you can name even half the Argentine squad, it is likely I will make a pass at you – during half time or after the game.

two_men_fighting_by_gueparddefeu-d58wogd

Discuss anything other than football and you’ll say hello to the fist

Note to the Boss

I am confident you will be watching the games too so I expect you to understand that my entire schedule will revolve around the games. And I am not saying this because I expect to be becoming in late for work, far from it. I shall come in well in time but you need to understand that certain things will change. Those work meetings that take forever might need to be cut short. No one wants to miss the pundit banter prior to the game. Also, if I show up dressed in an Argentine Team Jersey on a weekday, please bear with me – it is because La Albiceleste will be playing that day.

jersey

The Wardrobe is about to get an overhaul 

Note to the Girlfriend

It would be advisable for you to find a teddy bear to keep you company for this month because for the whole month, my eyes will be glued on the TV watching the World Cup,  watching previews and highlights of the World Cup, watching shows about the World Cup and watching anything that has to do with the World Cup. This essentially means that if I do not pick your calls or reply your messages, it won’t be because I am flirting with a random lady at the bar. It will most likely be because I shall be completely engrossed in World Cup things. You will have me to yourself before and after the World Cup season. In case I watch the game from home, the TV Remote shall be in my possession and there will be no discussion about why the volume is turned up loud.  Any discussions that do not center around the World Cup shall be postponed for the entire month.

real-women-football

That Will Be All!

Note to the other girls

If Spain is playing Netherlands and you ask me why Ronaldo is not on the pitch I will hurl something in your direction – probably a bottle or wooden ash tray. Also, if you happen to support the same team I support, do not be shocked that I might find you more attractive than usual. It will have nothing to do with your smile, legs, behind or intellect. It is simply down to the football passion. As for the girls who have boyfriends, if he tells you he was watching the game with me, it is likely I will support him. I don’t care if in truth he was banging the next door neighbor, I will always side with him – unless he is supporting France or England which I absolutely dislike.

Note to the Government

I know my country is not playing in the World Cup and there are chances it might never play in the tournament – in my lifetime, but for the love of God, please make an effort to support football. The only other thing that can unite people as much as football is music and seeing as Uganda and music still have a strained relationship, it is safe to say that we could / should give football a shot. On Saturday while we were at Mandela National Stadium, every Ugandan rallied behind the team with the assumption and belief that we are one. No tribes, religions, skin colour or political affiliations were realized – we were one people. If that is not reason enough for the Government to support football, then surely nothing is.

Uganda

Fooball has the power to Unite us all

Note to UBC TV

As the official national broadcaster, it is likely that you will have exclusive rights to air the tournament across the one month period. However, history has proven that you have a tendency to be far from reliable. If the transmission isn’t consistently interrupted then the sound shall be deafening. And if the sound is okay then the half time commentary will be something of a bedtime story. If that does not happen then the game is just not aired and instead some strange PPU program will air – something about Mr. 1986 meeting Unemployed Youth in Katakwi district. Let’s have all these PPU programs air before and after the month of the World Cup. Oh, and Jane Kasumba; I like your accent – share some of it with your panelists.

ubc

Hello Jane 🙂

Note to UMEME

Where do I even begin with you lot? I do not know of any institution that has taken a lot of heat as much as UMEME. Truth be told, most of the heat is well earned. You guys have outdone yourselves in keeping a good number of Ugandans in the dark. However, for the duration of the World Cup, I will cut you some slack. I will pray that the Good Lord touches you and you SEE THE LIGHT. I will pray that you light us up and even it we have to pay double – please do what you have to do. I have loaded enough Yaka units to last me the entire month so please do your part and let me watch the tournament without pausing to curse and abuse UMEME. If there should ever be any load shedding, please let it be in the hours when the World Cup is not airing.

Umeme-Yaka-cards

I have done my part, please do your part UMEME

Note to other people

If we happen to be in the same bar and my team is playing, I shall not be held responsible for any injuries you sustain from my celebration. If you absolutely have no interest in Football, stay out of my lane – that way you will not get too much World Cup nonsense coming your way. Also, if you are interested in learning about football, please do so with caution. Do not ask me which team is wearing white, why someone is getting a yellow card, how much time is left on the game or which team is winning when everything is right there on the screen. Also, be sure to postpone your death, wedding, birthday or child delivery until after the Finals of the World Cup.

Other than that, I love you all and as they usually say about football tournaments; may the best team win.

“Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don’t like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that.” ― Bill Shankly

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter

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