Online Presidency

Rumour has been doing the rounds that Citizen 001 is finally getting the hang of things in terms of technology and social media. Rumour is also rife that the big man has joined the selfie Olympics with so much vigour the Selfie Olympics Committee is considering changing the rules so that he doesn’t sweep all the trophies. I have also heard that Mr. 1986 has put together a formidable team to help him join Instagram, FourSquare, Facebook and whatsapp among others – with a bang! And that is not all; I have also been reliably informed that we might soon have a public holiday to celebrate the launch of Citizen 001’s YouTube channel. Apparently it will have some of the baddest Harlem Shake videos from the entire cabinet along with some hitherto unseen footage from Kyankwanzi. Also, I am told that the video of Mpekoni has been finalized and it will be one of the first uploaded videos on the Legendary YouTube channel.

From what I gather, Citizen 001 is all out to embrace progress. Finally, one can afford a smile knowing that the big man will not just be associated with thumbs, hats, sacks, elections and envelops but other things like Instagram selfies, Twitter hashtags, hilarious YouTube comments and massive online Klout. Kudos big man, kudos! Once our president becomes an online president, I know for a fact that we will reap very big as a nation.

Just in case anyone is not too sure about why we need an online president, I shall gladly share my two cents on the issue. I give you reasons why we need an online president.

Fulfilling Campaign Pledges

Not-so-long-ago, a certain presidential aspirant promised that once voted into power, he would champion so many things including ‘modernization’. This might come a few years (or terms) late but hey, better late than never. Nothing screams ‘modernization’ as loud as a FourSquare check in by the Mayor of State House saying “Breakfast in Bed with my sweetie Kataha XOXO!”. I am confident that all those who have been alleging that the president does not deliver on his campaign promises will quickly shut up. He promised you modernization, did he not? Well, go and check who the mayor of State House is now… Boom! – Mr. 1986!! In your faces, you old dweebs who are against our modern strategies!

Sevo Mr. 1986 and one of his buddies in taking a stroll. Runkeeper would come in handy here

And the Selfie King is … 

During the events that surrounded the passing of Nelson Mandela, a one president Barack Obama took the Selfie game to a whole new level. He raised the stakes so high that many world leaders tried but totally failed to match up. Along the way, the Pope joined the Selfie Olympics and so did British PM James Cameron, Danish PM Helle Thorning-Schmidt, Kenyan President Uhuru Kenyatta and a few other world leaders. Very recently, a new entrant in the form of our very own Mr. 1986 joined the competition and for once in a very long time he actually did have a chance of finishing ahead of many world leaders. True, he is only a new comer but I know many rookies who have been anything but rookies in their first seasons. With the new trend of events I foresee a very tough competition and if all goes well, our very own President might be in the running for the top position. When the crowning of the selfie king of the word comes forth, I have a feeling Mr. 1986 will be close by; if not as the newly crowned king, then as the Holy Visionary who crowns the new king. He’s gat this!

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????I predict a Podium finish for the Musevenis and Obamas

Understanding the Data & UMEME hustle

Two of the most painful experiences of anyone who has a smart phone are; having low battery and running out of data. Unless your battery has run out completely or your data runs out, you cannot appreciate the importance of having electricity or data respectively. Once Mr. 1986 joins the data hustle, he will quickly come to the realization that a good number of our service providers are giving us a raw deal. When he fails to access his Twitter DM while somewhere in Kyankwanzi because of poor network, then maybe the Internet service providers will receive a phone call asking them to better their coverage. Also, when the big man wants to upload a selfie with one of his gorgeous daughters to Instagram and the battery is warning because there is UMEME load shedding going on, then maybe a phone call will be made for UMEME to clean up their act. I see good things happening because of this www experience.

Museveni

Let one of those service providers fool around and we shall see

Death to False Rumours

People have on several occasions wrongfully blamed the president for involving himself in a number of things, saying he was somewhere doing something despicable or undemocratic when indeed he was never there to begin with. When Mr. 1986 joins FourSquare, it will be easier for us to know for sure whether he is in Soroti opening new NRM offices, in Kayunga giving out sacks of fortune or in Rwakitara tending to his cattle. That way, we can know for sure where he is and what he is doing because after all, isn’t transparency part of what the Government should foster? With FourSquare, our online president will be able to absolve himself from any wrongdoings in Bank of Uganda seeing as his FourSquare check in will probably have him creeping on someone’s turf somewhere in Nebbi district and not counting shillings in Mutebile’s chambers.

Four squareThere can only be one Mayor of State House!

Your president, my president, our president 

Many people have constantly been complaining that they are denied access to the president by those around him. Well, with the new campaign to get the president online, this will be a thing of the past. As long as you can access the internet, you will be able to get in touch with the President himself without having to spend millions going through brokers, middle men and negotiators. The president belongs to the people and we should be able to access him, add him to our Whatsapp groups, send him DMs on Twitter, tag him in our baby photos on Facebook, laugh at jokes with him on Google Plus and share our cat videos with him on YouTube. I see no reason why the president should be hidden away from us like a Holy Grail that must not be seen by those who are not worthy or worse, like a Plague that must be kept away from the people. He is your president, my president, Lukwago’s president, Kataha’s President, Bebe Cool’s president, Pastor Sempa’s President and most definitely everyone’s president. So we should all be able to access him; if not physically then at least via Skype.

It is high time we got off our behinds and showed the president that as much as he may have the vision, we have a mission, and it’s to make him an online president – our online president!

“The Internet is like alcohol in some sense. It accentuates what you would do anyway. If you want to be a loner, you can be more alone. If you want to connect, it makes it easier to connect.”  ― Esther Dyson

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter

 

 

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