Four Resolutions

At the beginning of the new year, the human race celebrated, exchanged gifts and kisses, made plans and laid down resolutions for 2014. A good number of folks were very positive about the weeks and months that were to follow. We had plans – very big plans for the new year. We are now safely into the 3rd month of the year and from the look of things, not much has changed from last year – for many people at least. The sun still rises in the East, Uganda is still a land locked country and people still listen to Lil Wayne Music. By now, many people have already defaulted on a good chunk of their New Years Resolutions it almost feels like the entire thing was a joke. Reality has set in and people are starting to realise that maybe the endless list of resolutions might not be attained after all. I have 4 special friends whose resolutions I would like to share …to see whether they are on course to attain them or if they are way off the mark. I therefore present Four Resolutions.

New-years-2014The New Year had so much promise ..

Ann the bride

Ann is a good friend of mine. She was/is so focused on getting her 2014 resolutions in line so much that she has been and still is vigorously scouting for a marriage partner. You see, my friend Ann has been single for as long as I can remember. She is clocking her 30s and is somewhat getting tired of independence. After a few years of enjoying the calmness of single-life, she has decided to settle down, get married, have little babies and basically start a family. Either that or she has suddenly awoken to the realisation that her Biological clock is ticking …very loud and very fast! At the end of 2013 she swore that by mid 2014 she would be well on her way to getting married. As it stands, she has a wedding date in mind, she has a program for the day, she knows what music will play, she even has the perfect location for the honeymoon. There is just one problem – Ann has no fiance. Hopefully Ann’s Prince charming will veer back onto the right path and find her because from the look of things, he seems to have gotten lost in the wilderness.

frying-pan-23734A few threats have already been made to convince the man to marry

Kenneth the smoker

Another friend, Kenneth, is still having trouble with his one resolution – to quit smoking. Kenneth made a conscious decision to quit smoking by the 3rd month of 2014. As you read this, Ken has tried and failed to quit smoking 8 times in the past several weeks. One of the attempts was ruined by a drunken stupor that ended in Ken smoking no less than a packet of ciggarettes a day for almost a week. Another attempt ended in a pathetic relapse that saw him almost get checked into rehab for losing his mind. Let’s just say, it is harder for some people to quit smoking than it is for a Government official to refuse a bribe. That said, Ken has not yet given up and has pushed the resolution to June. Now the deadline is end of June. I am still watching the space. Hopefully between now and June Ken does not die of smoke related issues.

funny-pictures-no-smokingThe hustle to quit smoking has been real for Ken

Lucas the Singer

Last year, Lucas started his music career. He made a vow that 2014 would indeed be his year. He vowed to make sure that his career in the industry moved from one level to another as quickly as possible. As a result Lucas invested quite a lot of time and a bit of funds in sending his career onto the run-way. From the look of things, the investment has not yet been worthwhile since Lucas has no more than 20 fans – most of whom are friends and family and are therefore obliged to support him. Lucas is convinced that he was born to be a star and despite all the advice for him to quit, he still wakes up at 5 am every morning for ‘voice practice’. He also takes part in Karaoke as much as he can so that he may be ‘spotted’ at some point by a music producer who will help him push his career forward. So far all music producers seem to have blocked their eyes and ears to Lucas’ cries. He refused to go for Coca Cola Rated Next show because it is ‘beneath him’. Not sure if this is a good call but clearly Lucas has very big dreams. Hope he achieves them.

boredA typical crowd when Lucas hits the Karaoke stage

Bernard the dreamer

The plan was to get rich preferably by robbing a bank, watch all episodes of Breaking Bad, stay out of the jail cells and stay sober for at least 7 straight days. So far, the resolutions are not going too bad seeing as this year I have not seen the inside of a jail cell …yet. Also, I was recently sober for an entire week – never mind that I was on medication and the doctor had instructed me not to take any alcohol if I wanted to stay alive. I have not yet been able to rob a bank but then again, such plans are not executed without meticulous planning. So the planning is still going on. I have already gotten the Breaking Bad DVDs, now if only I can get the time to sit down and actually watch them. One other resolution that I made was to get married to either Jessica Alba or Leila – depending on who said ‘Yes’ first. I have not yet gathered the balls to propose to either of them but it is a work in progress and it shall be done – eventually. If I have to drug either of the ladies so I can propose, I shall do it! This year’s resolutions must be attained.

1251225087_jessica_alba_290x402Our marriage is on this year’s to-do list

I hope everyone else has had better luck with their resolutions thus far.

“There will be always something old in the New Year!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter

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