For a very long time, men have gotten a very raw deal when it comes to dating and relationships. Either they are blamed for being too absent minded during a romantic dinner or they are blamed for dozing off after just a few minutes of foreplay. Men tend to take most of the heat when relationships go south. Women on the other hand are experts. They are very good at mending things so they never really have mistakes lying around waiting to be uncovered. They read a lot of relationship literature, they discuss a lot (with other women) about relationships and they generally have all the tips and tricks at their finger tips – they are all-knowing when it comes to relationships.
While everyone is struggling to have women considered equal to men, I silently rally some of my buddies so we can rebel and attempt to change the narrative. You see, women have progressed in this matter known as dating, so much that when a man meets a woman, they have different time frames for their relationship. By the time the man makes up his mind to date the woman, the lady has already played out possible scenarios right from the first hello to the day when their kids will be born. Women think faster and they look further.
For this reason therefore, I have decided to share some secrets with fellow men. Some of these secrets are meant to help brothers ‘tame their women’ so that they too can have a chance in life. Since men are playing catch up, there is no harm is requesting women to stop reading right here, right now. So, gentlemen, here is my little insight on taming the lady 101.
Give it to her
As a man, it is your responsibility to make sure that the woman you call your better half is getting mind blowing sex. You are required by the Universe to make sure that once you and her are through with a sexual encounter, she can barely walk. Now before you go and maim a poor man’s daughter by bashing her knees with sticks so she can barely walk, you ought to remember that sex is the only weapon you should use. You can use this weapon not only to send shock-waves throughout her entire system but also to remind her that you are the real deal. If you are lousy in bed, there is no harm in secretly downloading a Kamasutra app and passing through it every now and again for tips. Women like good sex, they fancy explosive sex but they absolutely love good explosive sex. So don’t be shy, give it to her till she can practically has to crawl away from the bed. Even the courts of law will back a man who maims his woman through sex.
For the average man, the word ‘pampering’ is not a very good word to use when referring to the treatment a man should give a woman. However, if you are looking to keep your woman coming back to the four walls of your house, you better start to pamper her. Obviously folks with plenty of money will feel like they have a head start here but without necessarily bursting your bubble, the kind of pampering the woman needs is not so much material pampering. Make her feel special. Refer to her as whatever confectionary comes to mind, call her any fruit you like and compliment her whenever you have an opportunity. If she recently said she will be going to the salon, when you see her after the salon, be sure to compliment her. Set a reminder on your phone if you have to. No matter how hideous her new weave looks, swallow a bitter pill and tell her she looks good. Forget what you have been told about telling the truth – Lie to the woman or she might lie with someone else. Many times you don’t applaud a woman because she genuinely looks dashing but rather because she put in quite a lot of effort – even though she may end up looking like a 96 year old Nigerian Demon.
Occasionally wash her feet and you’ll be a keeper
Women love talking mostly because they invented it. You see, a very long time ago, God created man. But since God and Man were not talking that much, God figured a third party should liven things up. Who better to spice things up other than the woman? Women are the owners of conversation and they love to exercise they gift of conversation. If you are not good at speaking, you better sharpen your listening skills because you will need to listen attentively. Occasionally refer to a story she narrated in the past; this ought to give her the impression that you actually listen. Women may not want to talk with men but rather to just know that men are listening. Turn off the game on TV, put your phone down, hide your Porn magazine and just listen to the woman. If you have to, practice with Joan, the waitress at your local bar. Perfect the art of smoothly sliding in and out of conversation without making it obvious what you are doing. Conversation counts for a lot.
One of the biggest mistakes that men make is to assume that all women are the same. This is something that usually screws all of us up. While some women are more interested in material things like several pairs of shoes and numerous hand bags, some are more interested in humour and conversation while some others just want good sex and nothing more. It is up to you to know what you are good at and flaunt it so that you are able to attract females who appreciate that exact attribute. That way, you do not have to worry about putting up an act just so you can get into her pants. It will come easy for you.
This Blogger is no expert at relationship issues. In fact, he sucks so much at relationship issues that the last couple he gave relationship advice ended up turning gay. The guy decided he now liked guys and the lady decided she now preferred ladies. Therefore, no matter how convincing this Blog post might seem, take it with a pinch of salt – unless of course your relationship is very salty in which case you are doomed. Have a great week all the same.
“Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.” ― Candace Bushnell, Sex and the City
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter