As peace loving citizens of the world, we usually look on in complete silence as others constantly piss us off. We often try to convince ourselves that these people will either meet that sexy goddess called Karma or they will somehow realize their mistakes and eventually apologize. Many times Karma is on vacation and these bad people are too blind to realize their mistakes so we take it upon ourselves to hate them for eternity. Considering eternity is a very long time, it usually takes a toll on us and we find ourselves living sad pathetic lives all because of hate.
Personally, I have let a number of people piss me off simply because as a Christian, I am against killing people left right and center. Also, I think morally it is not right to kill people especially if you have no hidden piece of land to bury the bodies. I know many inspirational books and holy books recommend that one forgives as often as possible, and I do practice forgiveness as often as I possibly can. However, since we are human, it is only fair that we create some kind of manual to guide us on this forgiveness thing because I hear it is divine. One might quickly refer me to the Holy Bible and the Holy Quran for a perfect guide to forgiveness. However, since a good number of people do not actually believe in these holy books, it is safe to say that we need some kind of manual on how to go about forgiveness.
Since I am no expert on forgiveness, I shall dwell on something I am more informed about – non forgiveness! There are a number of crimes that I look at and think to myself; maybe these ones do not deserve forgiveness. I am not a cold and heartless individual; I am just a person who is tired of people doing silly things anticipating forgiveness. Friends, here is my list of unforgivable crimes.
The Wannabe People
Everyone in this world has some kind of talent or skill that they are better at than most. Some talents might be unconventional and a little weird for instance that other woman who can crush things with her breast or that other guy who can bend his knees inwards. The point is, everyone has a talent or skill. Why some people however decide to confidently walk away from their God-given talents to explore talents they are not blessed with is beyond me. I see a number of wannabe singers churning out what is supposed to be music when in fact they should be waiting tables at a hotel somewhere or fixing toilets in a Kampala suburb. The result is usually a long list of bogus songs that are tolerated by friends and a few relatives and played once in a while in the club when people are too drunk to care. Wake up, get a life and leave the industry. You and the music industry will do much better without each other.I can forgive someone who keeps trying because they actually know deep down that they have the talent. What I can not excuse however is that other person who for years on end has insisted on calling himself a musician yet what he does can best be described as yelling, shouting and wailing. I do not forgive you!
Farting in Public
The other day I was enjoying a taxi ride from the city center to Kiwatule where my lair is when something extremely fatal happened. You see, I was seated next to this fairly heavy woman who kept wiping sweat off of her face as if she had just emerged from a sumo wrestling bout. I had no problem with that because, well, she might have come from the gym and was heading home to take a much needed shower. However, the big lady threw a spanner in the works by sending out a lethal fart. How did I know it was her? I am glad you asked. Well, it was just the two of us in the back seat and the other two passengers had occupied the front seats. Also, I wasn’t the one who farted so naturally, I knew it was her. In addition, after letting out the dangerous suffocating fart, the lady wore an expression of satisfaction, as if she had finally let out what had been bothering her all week. Maybe if the taxi’s windows were fully functional, I would not have had much to complain about but that was not the case. The windows could not open and as such I was subjected to a near-death experience because of this woman’s exploits. Farting in public should be rendered a crime punishable by death!
Any crime that has to do with sexual activity should not be forgiven no matter how brilliant a lawyer arguing the case for it may be. If you rape someone, you life should be ended right away or else you might carry on with your bogus habit of raping people here and there. Those who force under-age persons into sexual activity should be stabbed to death with blunt metallic objects. There are so many sex hungry adults (of both sexes) roaming about it defeats logic when a sane person descends on an innocent minor. For starters, the sexual parts of a minor are not exactly ready for the activity. Secondly the innocent youngling will most likely not pleasure you at all because, well, they are clueless about sex. Apart from that, there is the risk of sexually transmitted diseases spreading. These are just a fraction of the evils that are associated with sexually molesting underage persons. If I was ever in position to dish out sentences for people who sexually violate minors, no offender would walk again! Apart from maiming or castrating them, I would make sure that they have the words ‘sexual offender’ tattooed on their foreheads. No forgiveness for those morons!
Whenever I am in the middle something I really love, I dislike interruptions. I usually try to ignore people who interrupt me when I am comfortably relaxed in my zone. If I am in the middle of a good book, a Manchester United game, a dance routine or singing along to a favorite song, there must not be any interruptions. The only person who can interrupt me is the person joining me to do what I am doing. If the person can silently ease their way into what I am doing, the better. If you call me up in the middle of a Boston Celtics basket ball game to ask me something that you could have easily Googled, I will insult you before referring you back to Google. If you tap my shoulder while I am in the middle of an electric dance routine in the bar, you better be joining me or help me God I will knock your teeth out! Don’t be fooled by my lanky and somewhat small size; I have a belt in a fight sequence I mastered a couple of months ago. It was mostly for self defense but I just might use it for offense if you interrupt me.
There are very many things that I would call inexcusable for instance persistent solecism, constant stereo typing and the mother of them all; forcing religious beliefs down people’s throats. I shall however let this one rest for now or else you folks might not forgive me for keeping you here.
Here is your weekly dose of inspiration;
“What was the point of being able to forgive, when deep down, you both had to admit you’d never forget?” ― Jodi Picoult, The Tenth Circle
The Talkative Rocker
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