The Cool Crowd

Being trendy or being part of the cool crowd is a battle that almost everyone is somehow engaged in albeit unconsciously. Every day that passes something either gets upgraded to the ‘trendy list’ or gets downgraded from that list to the ‘not-so-cool-anymore’ list. Some of these things seem to switch places so fast and so frequently that one can barely keep up. One moment you might be rocking a certain hairstyle and a week into your new and otherwise awesome look, half the world thinks you were just dragged out of a 1960s movie. That is how fast trends can change in the world today. For someone who always wants to be considered trendy, fashionable or updated in all aspects of life, you are going to have to be on your toes 24/7 …or you could just read this blog post to the end.

Ladies and gentlemen I give you what it takes to be part of the cool crowd.

The Phone

It appears that it has been quietly agreed among earthlings that for one to be in touch with coolness they must have a high end phone. Most of the old school phones that offer the basic functions of text, calling and the occasional calculator or calendar functions are not high end phones. Many of them are low end phones; very low end phones. If you are to appear trendy or fashionable, stay away from phones that do not have access to the internet or touch screen functions. Also, Chinese phones are definitely not high end phones. There is nothing high end about a phone whose vibration can make a house tremble or a phone whose ringtone is louder than a set of hungry twins wailing for their mother’s breast milk. It must also be noted that for a phone to be trendy, it should have applications that consume half the battery and all the airtime with ferocity. In the past, the smaller phones were considered trendy; we have since changed our minds. Now, the larger phones are the trendier ones.

The Car

In the past, owning a car was a big deal. It either meant that your father was rich enough to afford one for you or you even better; you were rich enough to afford one. A lot has happened since the 90s and today, just about anyone can own a car. All you need for you to be the proud owner of a car is a generous bank to offer you a juicy loan deal where you will have yourself a car within hours of opening your bank account. To create a difference between the cool and uncool people, you therefore need to go a step further. An expensive car is a good place to start. If you can pull off owning a rather insanely expensive car, you my friend are the definition of cool. It does not matter whether you will have to sell off half your blood relatives or sink so deep in debt you have to repay for 23 years. What matters is that you are driving a sleek and sexy car. For the ladies, a little neat and attractive car should just about do it. If you can do better and own a bigger and more fuel guzzling car, you are heading for the top of the cool ladder. For the guys, there is no excuse whatsoever for a man to be driving a car that’s small or does not consume a lot of fuel. Ownership of a car is not just about having anything on wheels, otherwise people with carts and bicycles would make the list. You need to have a car with a personalized number plate, preferably a number plate that is really bogus like “Kampala Money” or “Richness”.

The Dressing

Unless you are dressed right, there is no way you can be considered cool or trendy for that matter. For guys, the rule is simple; if you can wear anything feminine and exude confidence while doing it, you are playing the game perfectly. Tight fitting pants are traditionally for women but if as a man you can confidently wear them and leave your house looking the least bit concerned, you are cool. If the shape and size of your gonads is very visible from a mile away, it appears you will be top of the cool list. If Kanye West can do it, so can you. As for women, the rule is simple; the less the clothing, the higher up the cool ladder you climb. Whether or not you can hide this near nakedness behind fashion or freedom of dress is up to you. The point is that you must at one moment have plenty of flesh staring at onlookers everywhere you go. Try not to think too much about the little kids who might see you wearing these little clothes or the various sex hungry men who might see you strutting around like a piece of bacon on the plate. Just concentrate on swinging your behind in a consistent manner and having your cleavage on the brink of popping out of your bra and you will be up there.

Social Media Presence  

Without a doubt, social media must be a part and partial of your life if you really want to hang with the cool crowd. It is advisable that you open up an account with a number of media sites each possessing a good number of well doctored pictures that should make you seem taller, younger and better looking. Occasionally you will come across sites like Twitter or LinkedIn that are not exactly big on pictures. This should not derail you. If you are female, take as many ‘selfies’ as your cool phone can manage and have them uploaded on these sites, no matter how professional or business oriented these sites may seem. No matter how serious a man may seem, as long as he comes across a pretty face, he will always want to take a second look. For the guys, too many pictures might not be a very good idea but if you can pull it off without looking like a creepy self absorbed son of a gun, do your thing! Taking pictures accounts for 80% of what people do today in their free time.

Gadgets

Several centuries ago, a man’s prowess was displayed by his physical strength, number of wives and ability to butcher a wild animal with one swing of a club. Today, a man’s prowess is displayed by the number of gadgets he owns. Men who own sleek and new edge devices are more likely to be termed cool in comparison with men who carry around biceps but have old fashioned phones. If you are a man like me who has no biceps and you are especially required to have plenty of gadgets to redeem your situation. Therefore stock up on the latest technology by all means. Sleek gadgets are what make a man a real man. It is no longer his chivalry, decency, respect for women or ability to keep his word; it is just sleek gadgets. A 19-year-old will beat you to a fine young woman if all he has is the latest Samsung Tablet, Nokia Lumia or latest iPhone. Gadgets are everything in today’s world.

There are quite a few other things that would get you a spot with the cool crowd for instance knowing where all the bars in town are, having at least one or two socialites phone numbers on speed dial, being an OB or OG of a really prominent traditional school as well as following a sport as cool as formula one, basketball or the best of them all; golf.

In a few years, some of these will be looked at as ancient things so you might want to hurry and get your fair share of coolness while it still lasts.

Enjoy this little inspiration as well (the mother of all ironies lies therein)

Being cool is being your own self, not doing something that someone else is telling you to do. – Vanessa Hudgens

Have a cool week my dear friends

Bernard

a.k.a Beewol

The Talkative Rocker

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