Tips for the Weekend

We all deal with the prospect of an oncoming weekend differently. While some people think of the weekend as a time to bond with family and relatives, others consider it the appropriate time to get away from these exact people. Whatever one’s position on the issue of an oncoming weekend, one ought to be prepared for the days that make up this thing called the weekend. Naturally when the weekend is coming around we tend to make arrangements. The arrangements might be in form of a well weaved lie to the wife about a working trip upcountry just to get a day or two with the side-dish living a few districts away. The arrangements might also be in form of a quick soft loan to fund the weekend exploits that involve a boat cruise, bikini party, alcohol binge or gambling session. Others make arrangements by checking in with the movie guy to stock up on the entire season of Bones or Suits. The point is, we all like to feel like we are ready for the weekend, somehow.

Many times when the weekend is over, we look back and shake our heads in disappointment; things very rarely turn out to be as successful or eventful for that matter. This therefore leads me to the rather important issue of preparation for the weekend. Ladies and gentlemen, I present tips for the weekend.

1. Do not under any circumstances be broke!

This also doubles as a rule for life in general. Broke people tend to get a raw deal almost all the time. They get picked on by everyone including their fellow broke mates and they are usually given the worst seats, warmest beer, smallest pieces of cake and the last mention, if any. As a guy, if you can avoid being broke, avoid it! No man wants to stroll into the bar with just enough money for a drink, meet the woman of his dreams and then have no money to take her home later on and probably fund her transport the next morning. As for ladies, when that hot dude finally suggests that you two hang out, you might need to pay the salon a quick visit. If you are financially constrained, you can’t get a new weave now, can you? All I am saying is, unless your entire weekend is going to be spent being a couch potato, watching illegally downloaded episodes of Scandal and feeding on leftovers from the week that was, you might need to have some shillings put away for the weekend.

Couch Potato

Even if you will spend the whole weekend watching re-runs of Big Brother, you need a dime

Have a general idea of what you want to do

One of the most awesome things about the weekend is ‘random plot’. It usually comes when you least expect it and most times it turns out ballistic! This random plot however, is also one of the most dangerous things. The only things that can be more disastrous than random plot are; overdosing on Viagra, taking a campus girl and her besties on a night out and dealing with loan sharks. Random plot is so dangerous it should be avoided at all costs. Take an example of my friend Gary who until this last weekend was very intent on paying up on his child support that has been due for a few weeks now. On Friday, someone called him about a boat trip that was planned for Saturday; there were bound to be bikini girls on a ratio of 4 girls to one thirsty man, drinks were going to be on the house and all one needed was a ‘small’ fee of Shs. 200,000. This ‘random plot’ phone call came at a time when Gary was actually making his way down to the bank to make his monthly payment for ‘child support’. The plot sounded so awesomely inviting but it was in Gary’s interests to avoid such plot. Our friend however fell for the bait, went for the girls on the boat and resultantly defaulted on his child support payment. Now Gary’s baby mama is one heck of a viper; she is going to tear him to shreds this week. All this could have been avoided if Gary had stuck to the plan and not spent the child support money on random plot.

girlwrestler

oh and did I mention that Gary’s baby mama is a Karate instructor? 

If there is a Konshens & Alaine Concert, go early or don’t go at all!

In Kampala, concerts with international artists have three constants; girls will dress their best & worst, Chameleon will perform, and there will always be crowd trouble. For the first two, one can say not much can be done; girls in Kampala love to impress and depress almost in equal measure plus Chameleon seems to be a crowd puller despite my extreme dislike for anything he lays his hands on. As for the issue of crowd trouble, I think the cops are doing a very poor job, if they are doing any at all. Granted, many revelers are naturally impatient and hate to make lines or wait their turn to get in to concerts. However, for an event that was co-sponsored by the Uganda Police, the Konshens & Alaine concert was way under par in terms of crowd management and control. By waiting until the situation was out of control for them to swing into dangerously harmful action, the police was simply showing that they never really prepared for this otherwise well advertised and widely promoted event. On the part of the revelers, it is probably safer to go very early, suffer through the 27 upcoming artists who will curtain raise and then enjoy the rest of the show without having to risk losing a shoe, a purse, a phone, or even fainting all in the name of trying to get in much later. On the part of the Police, a few refresher courses on crowd control would not hurt because clearly as it is, the police in Kampala is dangerously lacking in that department.

If you can get away from the city, please do

On Saturday, a few friends and I decided to take a trip out of town to a place in Luwero. The idea was to visit Happy Times Child Care Centre in Luwero to have lunch with the underprivileged children who include orphans, abandoned children, and disabled children among other less privileged young ones. The initiative was a brain child of ‘40 Days Over 40 Smiles’, a group of youths intent on supporting under privileged children as much as they can. For someone who very rarely leaves the city due to work constraints, this presented itself as a real great opportunity to escape the insanity of the city. We left the city at 10am and by 6pm we were back but I must admit the entire time we were gone, it’s like the world came to a sudden wonderful stop. No city hustle and bustle, no phone calls about random plot (my friends knew I was out of town so they didn’t bother me much.. and also there was no network where we were), and most important, I was part of a cause bigger than myself; charity! Of course there were other benefits like tasty lunch with the clearly excited children, games we played with them (I know netball is a girls’ sport but I gave it a shot and I wasn’t that bad), the awesome stories the children shared and then there was the interesting humorous journey to and fro. Generally speaking, Saturday was a day well spent despite the fact that by the time I returned, I was way too tired to do anything. I am still shocked I was able to host a 4-hour radio show after that. And NO;  I do not do drugs!

There are quite a number of other tips I could offer for the weekend but because I have this bet going where if I write no more than 1400 words, I’m in for a treat. So this is all this time round.

How can I forget your weekly dose of inspiration?

“The only reason why we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend.”

― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

Have a blessed week then,

Bernard

a.k.a Beewol

The Talkative Rocker

 

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8 thoughts on “Tips for the Weekend

  1. GETTING LAID OVER THE WEEKEND!! …… WORK ON LOOKS AND BE ATTRACTIVE ….. It would be disingenuous to say looks aren’t the biggest factor in getting laid. For anyone that isn’t filthy rich, eighty percent of slangin’ dick is all about your exterior; it’s a superficial world and anyone willing to fuck you after knowing you for twenty-five minutes could care less about all the great stuff going on in the inside that ugly capsule you call a body. That said, if the most attractive version of you is a “4” on the scale of good-lookingness then you need to focus on chicks close to that or worse.

  2. Pay for the cab, buy her a drink. Also a good way to discover your preferences. A girl who offers to pay is likely less entitled/not a gold digger, which will go a long way if you ever decide to get serious. Decline her offer because you are a man, and this is how the world works. BroBible Staff 🙂

  3. Those tips are extremely useful especially that part of random plot-am going to do my best to avoid picking up phone calls on a Saturday night. Thanks for always brightening up our Mondays with your brilliant talent….love it!!!!!!!!

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