So it has come round to that time of the year when love is reigning supreme and even the most brutal of men can claim to have a whiff of love coming off of him. Valentine’s for most men, is the time of year when your partner will probably drive your bank balance into the ground owing to the expenses you are bound to incur. However, you are likely to allow them to do this knowing well that at a certain time (t), your suggestions of a wicked sex style with them will not be met with the wildest facial expression. For the ladies, it is that time when you get to confidently sing along to Rihanna’s “Only Girl in the World” fully aware that if there is any other woman in his life, she can have him on any other day but this.
That moment when you get to practice those moves Rihanna pulls in the video of “Only Girl in the World”
For some ladies however, the harsh reality is about to dawn on you that after all, you are the “other woman”. And if by now he has not yet created an excuse to be away from you on Valentine’s Day, brace yourself because a very close cousin is about to pass away. And try not to insist that you want to go for the burial with him because you are just about to come off as the leech that you fighting so hard not to appear yet deep down you know you are. Keep calm. After all, he is not your man now is he? Ok maybe you thought he was your man but the truth is slowly yet surely unveiling itself. You are now realizing that after all, you are “the other woman”; the extra shirt button that is only used when one of the others is plucked off; the extra pair of socks that is won when all the favourites are dirty, the extra unused plate that … you know what… I’m sure you get the point by now: You are simply “the other woman”.
Get used to the fact that you are “the other woman” and don’t lose too much sleep over it
Now, before you lose all hope and start calling up witch doctors and love experts for remedies, look on the bright side; you get to have the entire day to yourself. Yes; the entire Valentine’s Day belongs to you. At this point, you are probably wondering what you will do with yourself on a day when you are supposed to be with your one and only yet somehow he is absent. Well, there is just so much you can do. News recently arrived that Game of Thrones Season 3 is coming out soon therefore re-watching Season 2 would not be an entirely bad idea; the dialogue in there is pretty awesome you know. You could also opt to stock up on the free Warid phone calls and scroll through your phone checking on old friends. This though is bound to dampen your mood because nowadays; people on Warid rarely pick up when other Warid subscribers call them for fear of unnecessary yet painfully long conversations. On the other hand, a fine good sock in the bath tub (of course all by yourself) with a good book could go down just well. Please do not read anything that has the words “Shades”, “Think like” or “Venus” for reasons I shall not share right now. Read anything else.
Any of these three should make for good reading coz we need to keep your mind as far away from love as possible
If you are the party-loving type, take a pause, look in the mirror, breath in and out and prepare to have the most memorable Valentine’s day ever! By now, any “sad” news from your supposed partner should not shock you because after all, you are fully aware there was no way on earth (or even on any other planet) he was going to leave his wife to come spend Valentine’s day with you. Unless of course you are playing the waiting game in which his actual wife is on her death bed and you are just counting seconds…
Make it a point to have as much fun in his absence as you possibly can. If you can record some of your mischievous deeds, the better. You want to make sure he gets the point that you are the other woman but you are the happier woman (even though you and I know that it’s stretching it because your life is something between sad and pathetic).
Moving on …
Call up some of your girlfriends (preferably those who are also “the other women” in their respective relationship). Make some kind of get-together for all “the other women” who are your friends. By now, we can officially agree that your club of “the other women” is considerably gaining follower-ship, recognition and above all power. You should have created a whatsapp group, possibly a Facebook page and a Twitter account as well but be sure to have each person use a pseudo. The need for a pseudo name arises because when the time comes for you to become the main woman somewhere, you can easily renounce your account and not have it traced back to you …. or you can simply increase your security settings and carry on; whichever your soul can settle for.
In future blogs, I shall discuss how you can harness this power of “the other women” to create a political party solely devoted to “the other women” in men’s lives but for now let us focus on this upcoming Valentine ’s Day.
So where was I ..
Oh yes … when the gang of “other women” has come over for the little get-together which you communicated through Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp and SMS Media, introduce the idea of body shots. By now, you have already made a booking for four or five well built male students from Nkozi University or Mukono University to come over for an all expenses paid trip to a pleasure house with 12 or 13 “other women”. Notice we are not calling on Makerere or MUBs chaps. These ones will milk you dry and before you know it, you will have sold off your man’s Desktop PC to fund their exploits. So let’s stick to Nkozi and Mukono because life is cheaper there and naturally these boys do not demand a lot. Make the most of these little chaps because they are on a hunt for pocket money too. Times are hard and they need to keep their bank accounts from being blocked for inactivity. We are assuming here that your man will have left you with a little consolation because he will be far away attending his dead cousin’s burial. The “little consolation” that each of the “other women” will contribute will make for a really huge consolation to cater for all the ladies present. Besides, some need two blocks of ice and a shot of vodka to start speaking in tongues – not much money spent there. As you have your wild night, be sure to keep tabs on the boys …. you don’t want them to make off with the little fridge that your man bought for you as a Christmas gift. Like I said, times are hard.
All this while, when the get together is happening, Try not to call him; his network is likely to be off since most burials are in places with zero network. Besides, you are the victim here not him so do not check on him. If he calls you up, walk to a loud speaker, pick up the phone and scream, “Honey, I can’t hear you. Call me after two hours!!”. Repeat this two-hour routine until the next day.
If you can scream into the phone whenever he calls, you are scoring more points in this area
During your night of awesomeness, make sure you document a few naughty on-goings and leave a few pictures lying around … preferably those of some of the “other women” going in on the body shots and drinking games. Be sure to leave no traces of you doing anything illegal (especially if he works for a security agency and knows how to use a gun). Just leave pictures that will tell him that there truly was a story last night. These pics should tickle the guy’s interest. Eventually when he asks how you spent your day, tell him you spent it in-doors with some of your BFFs who came over to wallow with you in the pain of not being with your loved one – you ate a lot of chocolate and watched 2 seasons of Glee with them.
At the end of the day, he is bound to think twice before heading off to that woman who is making you the other woman. And if you play your cards well, the next time valentine’s day comes round, if he goes again, I just might have joined Nkozi University or Mukono University and then you can call on me to come give you and your “other women” friends a good time – times are hard for me too.
The Talkative Rocker