Humanity’s Weekend Purpose

A while back, I was of the view that whoever came up with the phrase “Thank God It’s Friday” deserved one of two things; either a well heated iron rod up their back side or just the good old bullet to the head! Before anyone can start to throw not-so-healthy words at me, I shall come clean with my reasoning (at least what I thought back then – I was young though). First of all, I love weekends; hell, I live for the weekend! My not-so-short life has however taught me several things but the most important (apart from the lesson that the whole world is against me) is that all good (but mostly bad) things happen on weekends. This, by far was the most legitimate reason I had for my beef towards the person who came up with the entire idea of TGIF.

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Of course it all starts with excitement

Not once do I remember ever getting into any trouble or having to face a possible jail term because of something I did during the week. The closest I came to this was a few years back when on a Tuesday I had a battle of words with a cop INFRONT OF A POLICE STATION! Come to think of it, it was a public holiday so this does not count as a week day.  Most of my misgivings and not-so-memorable experiences have come forth either on a Friday or on a Saturday.

For starters, Friday usually spells one thing – hunger for the weekend! Most Friday mornings, I am awoken by a call from a friend inquiring whether I will show up at this party or if I prefer warm beer or cold beer at some get together. When such phone calls wake you up, only one thing can come forth of your weekend – Mayhem. As Friday progresses, someone might remind me about a wedding or a get-together and all this because they know how much I love the weekend. It’s almost as if I laze around during the week, waiting for the weekend to come around. Luckily for me, most of my friends know it. If someone is setting up a meeting for something really grown up like a business deal or an office report they would rather set it up on the earlier days of the week; preferably Monday or Tuesday. Truth is on such days, I am way too lazy to start up any trouble so I have no option but to think straight. So by Friday, one can be certain that all important issues have been sorted out. If they haven’t, they will have to wait till Monday. It goes without saying therefore that most of the phone calls that come in on a Friday have to do with getting bombed (not with explosives but at the bar counter).

Between Friday afternoon and Sunday evening, there is very little one can remember – especially if you are me; or one of my other friends who have enrolled in AAA classes time and again with less than positive results. Most weekend lovers like myself will forget everything from the fact that they have a wedding ring tucked away in the pocket to the fact that they are a professor at a respectable university. There are even tales of some ladies forgetting their sex and making out with each other.

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There’s even a chance (a very fat one at that) you could forget you slept with this woman!

In the sum of all things, whether you end up in jail for some crime you do not remember committing or you send a very dirty flirty provocative text message to your mother in law, one thing is clear; the weekend often spells trouble. But hey, what is life without trouble? YES – I said it. Trouble makes life so much more fun.

It might seem all well and good for people who imagine that weekends are meant for relaxing, probably doing some laundry, snuggling …

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…or God forbid, just watching TV

I’m sure the people who invented the weekend (God rest their souls coz I sure hope they are dead!) did not intend for it to be anything but fun filled and spotted with occurrences of mayhem here and trouble there; a little memory loss too. So if you stay indoors and stare at the TV all weekend or call up your friends and play poker the whole time, you too need some really harsh punishment. Maybe some weekend jail term where the cops take you in on Friday evening and let you go on Monday morning. That ought to send a clear message that the weekend is meant to be lived to the full! It may seem like all I am saying is you should get bombed over the weekend. Well, actually it is what I am saying.

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Even if in your weekend escapades you end up stealing Mike Tyson’s tiger, somehow you will make it through; albeit with a few teeth missing!

So go out there and spread the gospel of the weekend. Let the whole world know that the weekend rocks and it is all we were created to live for. Forget about World Peace, Love, Environmental conversation all those other seemingly noble things that rich people talk about. The Weekend is simply it the ultimate reason for living!

I’m off to enjoy my weekend …. If on Monday I remember what happened, I will be sure to share. If I don’t (which is likely) I still will share.

Bernard                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            a.k.a Beewol                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     The Talkative Rocker

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6 thoughts on “Humanity’s Weekend Purpose

  1. You should just ask Sir Bob Geldof about his super hit from the 1979 “I don’t like Mondays… I’m sure he would have something to say about your backside – tihihihhhi

  2. Wow. This is wonderful and creative writing. I always knew U were talented with words, I just didn’t think you could put them on paper. Great piece. And by the way, I too love the weekend. Always try not to remember what happened. ha ha ha ha

  3. Hahahaha, this could only have been written by you:) Loved this, as Priscilla said, it’s a great piece that kept me chuckling to myself from start to finish.

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